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[av_heading heading=’BENEATH AND BEYOND | Marriage and mirage in June’ tag=’h3′ style=’blockquote modern-quote’ size=” subheading_active=’subheading_below’ subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”]
BY SONIA D. DAQUILA
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Saturday, June 3, 2017
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JUNE is here, the merry month of marriages held in different kinds of ceremonies.
Traditionally, wedding is celebrated with many symbolisms. The bride and groom pledge, “…of fidelity, of support, of respect…and to love each other in sickness and in health, for poorer or richer, until death do us part.”
The bold ones celebrate their wedding while sky-diving or while scuba-diving. Some prefer garden wedding, and some hold their wedding on the seashore. We yet have to see a wedding celebrated while the couple, the priest and whole entourage are dangling on a zip-line. Pathetically, there are weddings celebrated in rigor mortis (on the verge of death). Unfortunately, despite the pompous, simple, daring or bizarre celebrations, some marriages turn into a mirage, an optical illusion of an oasis on the road when the sun is so hot. There is no guarantee that a marriage will last neither because the couple signed a special contract nor because of a wedding ceremony.
I remember my landlord in Manila, Kuya Joey, who said there are three main problems in marriage: financial, in-laws, and jealousy.
Of course, the saying “Love flies out of the window when the stomach is empty is true.” As the family grows bigger, there shall be more expenses and more concerns. Likewise, in-laws can be a problem, too. It is exceptional to be treated like a child of those not your parents and to treat your spouse’s parents and siblings as really yours.
The third problem is quite difficult to deal with – jealousy. The husband’s or the wife’s ego may be touched when one of them rises higher either in position, in pay or in fame, or achieve things the other has not or cannot. It could be another party(ies) who may come in-between creating a feeling of unworthiness and guilt.
Imagined or true, life is boring for one who is left behind. Consciously or unconsciously, a gap grows until the once love birds would not even come close to one another. They recognize the mirage.
As a teacher and as an accredited mediator, I had encounters with irreparable and reparable marriages. What usually blocks saving or restoring failed marriages? From these cases, I discovered that PRIDE is the main barrier. Communication, attention, trust, patience, forgiveness, and most of all, prayer may prevent your marriage to be a mirage.
A happy marriage is not incidental, you make it happen. How do I know? This month is the 40th year of our marriage. Storms tested both of us. Now, towards our way to the twilight zone, we joke at each other and just laugh at the events that nearly parted us.
Peace, happiness and a fulfilled married life that we now enjoy echo Kahlil Gibran’s saying, “The depth of a hollow created by heavy rains on a log can contain the same amount of happiness…” (delsocorrodaquila@mail.com/PN)
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