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[av_heading heading=’RAMBLINGS OF THE UNMARRIED | Loving disorder’ tag=’h3′ style=’blockquote modern-quote’ size=” subheading_active=’subheading_below’ subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”]
BY GORDON GUILLERGAN
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Saturday, June 17, 2017
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“No one can be the total cure for another person.” ― Frank Lentricchia, The Sadness of Antonioni
VALUING yourself or the determination of self-worth is important in a relationship. It’s not because you are selfish. The need to identify what you can give and take is important in a partnership.
However, there are those who seem to love themselves deeply that it becomes a disorder – Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The Mayo Clinic in the US defines this as a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.
But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life such as relationships, work, school, or financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you’re not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.
A narcissist may have difficulty of fulfilling marital obligations. It is one of the many disorders related to psychological incapacity as ground for a Judicial Declaration of Nullity of Marriage under Article 36 of the Family Code.
Flerida Ruth Romero, in her published study on the “Concerns and Emerging Trends on Laws Relating to Family and Children”, noted that commonly many believe that psychological incapacity is a ground for annulment of marriage. However, she noted that the Family Code laid down specific grounds for annulment – one of which is insanity and is different from psychological incapacity.
She noted that most celebrities, unknowingly, use the term “annulment” loosely as signifying the breaking of their marriage ties to their spouse. Marriage is considered annullable or voidable due to certain specific grounds listed in Article 45 of the Family Code and nothing more. Existing at the time of the marriage, the defect is often caused by vitiated consent on the part of one of the parties due to insanity, fraud, force, intimidation or undue influence; lack of parental consent when either party is between 18 years of age or over but below 21; physical incapacity or affliction with a sexually transmissible disease. The marriage subsists until terminated due to its annulment by the court.
Further, she stated a novel way of terminating a marriage indicated in the new Article 36 of the Family Code based on the sole ground of psychological incapacity to comply with the essential marital obligations of marriage of one of the contracting parties existing at the time of the celebration of marriage.
The liberating court order is not annulment but a declaration of nullity of a marriage which is void from the beginning. The “essential marital obligations of marriage” are: “…to live together, observe mutual love, respect and fidelity, and render mutual help and support.”
Article 36 of the Family Code provides: “A marriage contracted by any party who, at the time of the celebration, was psychologically incapacitated to comply with the essential marital obligations of marriage, shall likewise be void even if such incapacity becomes manifest only after its solemnization.”
The difference lies on the knowledge of the other spouse of the incapacity of the other.
A person having narcissistic disorder have this desire to control people around him and quite often if he fails to do so, easily gets frustrated and ends up acting with revenge.
The Mayo Clinic explains that this disorder often does not have evident manifestations and is quite hard to determine at the onset. And this is quite often a valid ground for psychological incapacity under Article 36. The other spouse may not see this disorder existing during the marriage.
These disorders, if not managed well, could actually lead to self-destruction. I have come to test my ability to understand people with disorders because as far as I could remember I was told that every person do have disorders, but some just take theirs to the extreme due to traumatic experiences, leading to the gravity of the disorder.
I am not a psychologist so I may be wrong on this. But one thing I do know: If you find someone who could understand you and love with or without disorder, treasure that person. It is not every day that you find someone as rare as that. Someone who will not remedy the disorder but help you do it. Someone who, despite the disorder, sees good in you and is loving your disorder. Someone who inspires you to see the same and you wanting the change for yourself. Not someone who will change you but will inspire you to change, because really, no one can fix you but yourself. (gordon.qg@hotmail.com/PN)
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