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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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Wednesday, September 6, 2017
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THIS IS your last and final invitation to my one-night only stand-up show that starts at 8 pm tonight at Troi Oi Restaurant at the Iloilo Riverside Boardwalk (beside the Medicus Hospital).
If you haven’t drilled it in your small brains yet, this concert is called “My Life as Art: Peter Solis Nery, Live… at Troi Oi.” It is free to the public, but you have to pay for your food and drinks.
I would appreciate your eagerness to come see me in person, but please don’t be so embarrassingly poor to just go there, and watch my show without ordering anything.
Although, although, I warned the restaurant owners that that could happen. Unfortunately, I conveniently forgot what they said about it. Haha!
Beer and standard restaurant menu will be served at regular Troi Oi prices. Try their caramelized chicken wings, if you are coming just for the show.
Try their more flavorful pho if you are coming for pre-show dinner, too. Yes, I’ve personally asked that prices will not be marked up just because I have a show on September 6.
I want poor people to enjoy me as much as you, my dear readers.
I never planned this concert before I left the US, so I wasn’t able to prepare my costumes, music, and dance routines. But, I have a treasury of resources stocked here in Iloilo, so we should be okay.
As for my comedy materials, well, it’s going to be as irreverent as this “My Life as Art” column, only delivered live, with spirit and verve, and with my neck veins showing. I’m a screamer.
To up the ante, I will, of course, speak of things that are unprintable in the newspaper. Lots of it! Sex, check. Cuss words, check. Insults and gossips, check.
I will perform, and gesticulate, and essay in person, what can only be poorly described, or naughtily hinted on the pages of a newspaper.
So yeah, dirty fingers, “bad words”, bad-is-good, and such stuff will be the order of the night.
This show is going to be like “In Bed with Madonna”. Only, I have done away with the bed. But this show is going to be intimate.
For social relevance, I will talk about my life as an HIV testing advocate. I will talk about the AIDS and HIV epidemic in Western Visayas. I will make you cry and laugh, and decide to get yourself tested.
To connect with the millennials, I will also talk about sex and dating apps. Among which, the gay geo-social app called Grindr. And Tinder, and all other hookup sites and apps.
I might even open my Grindr account during the show, just to show you what I mean. And to show you how Grindr works, if you are so prissy to pretend not to know how it works.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I think I will open my Grindr account during my show. And check if any horny gay men are attending my performance. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
Can you imagine me finding on my Grindr app someone six feet away from the stage?
Oh, speaking of the stage. I don’t believe in the physical stage. I’ll probably walk around with the microphone.
I told you I didn’t plan this concert before I left the US, so there will be no spotlight and elaborate lighting designs.
The stage will most likely be bare. And you will like it.
You might even like to see me go bare! Naked. Bare. Sexy.
I know the limits of decency. I’ve been to the sleazy girlie, and gay, bars in Iloilo City!
So don’t bother to send the police to my show.
I mean, keep our hardworking police personnel on the streets on the night of September 6 instead.
Let them go catch some drug lords, and those politician protectors, if they can find them.
Don’t worry about my morals. Think about the morals of drug lords and protectors.
Think about the morals of extra judicial killing. And the morals of this war on drugs.
I’m just here for sex talk. It’s not even real sex. It’s just talk, stupid!
Although, although. Who knows?
In a For Adults Only performance platform, things can go crazy. I am crazy! And who isn’t at this time?
I mean, for Iloilo to be called the “most shabulized city in the country”, isn’t that crazy enough?
My fans are cheering, “Go, go, go, Idol. Go, go, go, Peter Solis Nery! Redeem our city’s reputation. From most shabulized title to sexiest city in the country. Nay, in the whole planet!”
I hear you, people. My name is Peter Solis Nery. And you are supposed to clap your hands!
Concept: consenting adults.
Nah. I will definitely refuse minors’ admission to the show. Oh, please! Get a babysitter!
Wait, what is the legal age for alcohol consumption in Iloilo City again?
If it is 21, sorry, but I will allow admission of 18-year olds. Troi Oi can serve them bottled water or tea.
I just feel that 18 should be legal for everything.
Including watching me perform live.
Including having consensual sex with me!
Inspired by Mel Turao’s latest book, “Insatiable: A Literary Biography of Peter Solis Nery”, I have decided to openly discuss my dead, white, American husband in this show. It’s going to be a lesson on gay marriage. And I would like to invite the people from the church to be there.
In fact, I am also inviting, through this very statement, Sen. Manny Pacquiao, and all homophobes, to attend my show.
That is, if they can get past an intellectual, scholarly, frank and straight-forward discussion of joyful sex. Which, of course, I doubt.
I mean, most homophobes are sexual perverts in secret, right?
Sex, sex, sex. There, I’ve said it!
I have other advocacies to discuss. But let’s keep some of the things secret for now.
I mean, come to my show tonight for some stimulation and intercourse. Yeah, intellectual intercourse, of course. But let’s not limit it to that.
I mean, what about emotional intercourse? What about spiritual?
Can we really use sex — physical sex, carnal and sweet, as a vessel to achieve a higher level of spiritual consciousness?
Can Ilonggos really be intelligent and open-minded, liberal and liberated?
This show will put you to the test.
No, you can’t come to my show to judge me.
Because if you have that evil thought in mind, I will judge you instead.
Rather, I would just like you to come, be thrilled, be inspired, be enlightened, and be happy.
Because dicks are short, and life is even shorter.
Just ask the people who got AIDS from crazy, unprotected, sex. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
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