BY NOW, it must be pretty obvious that I like to take control.
I’m a top guy.
If I don’t get 51 percent control of anything, I don’t stay in any relationship — business, sexual, romantic, Platonic, S&M, dysfunctional (haha!), and whatever other kinds of relationships there are.
You see, things are just easier if you agree with me.
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If you are not into agreeing with me, at least, let me have some control.
I like it that way.
I really like being a top guy.
And many want me to be the top guy because, as they say, I am a considerate top.
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I don’t hurt people senselessly.
I mean, I may hurt them.
To teach them a lesson.
To drive my point. Yes, my point!
(And that other point, too. If you need to be vulgar.)
Or, to pleasure them.
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But never to senselessly hurt.
I never liked hurting others for payback.
Even if they’ve hurt me.
I don’t do EJK — extrajudicial killing.
I don’t get off hurting others.
I sometimes do EJK — extra juicy kissing.
But only to pleasure, not to hurt.
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In a sexual relationship (don’t worry, this piece will get philosophical before this three-part series ends), I can bottom.
But only…if I stay on top.
Ride the pony. Hump the camel hump. Pogo stick.
Helicopter. Bottom on top (of the hill). And all that jazz.
But I really have to have some kind of control.
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This happened to me in 1999, when I lost my virginity in California (and almost the same scene was even later seen in the 2005 movie “Bathhouse” directed by Crisaldo Pablo).
I hooked up with this young film reviewer who looked like Cyndi Lauper with purple hair. (I don’t think the term then was ‘hookup’. But we got together, and that’s the point.)
He asked me, “Are you a top or a bottom?”
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Thinking that all Filipino gays are bottom (I was mostly only exposed to parloristas at that time), I said, I think I’m a bottom.
He asked me, “Do you want to try and be top?”
I can still feel how big I smiled then, even as I’m smiling now writing this.
Of course, I wanted to try!
He was one hot ass!
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We were already naked in his cramped studio apartment somewhere in West Hollywood.
Then, he led me to his bed.
He lied down, and, smilingly, told me, Go sit on it!
The hell!
I’m not telling you the rest of the story.
You will have to wait for my tell-all memoir for that.
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Late warning: This is TMI, so you may skip a beat.
But if you must know, in one of my Grindr “About Me” headlines, which includes the now famous “There are 70 ways to make me happy: One is to love me, and the rest is 69,” I also famously said, “Oh, I will bottom you so hard you will forget you are a top!”
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People think I’m a Power Bottom because of that.
Well, let them think what they think. Or, what they want to think.
To each his/her own wicked thought.
But my clever headlines have served me a purpose.
And because of them, I get what I want.
All the time!
So, who’s bottom now?
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I like being top.
I like being a top.
I like being a top something.
I like being a top guy.
I like being a top gay guy, if there’s really such a thing.
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I don’t top just to top.
I don’t do it to power trip.
I do it to serve my partner—sex partner, or otherwise.
I do it to serve humanity.
Read on, this is going to be convoluted.
This could be pointless, too, if you are stupid.
But read on.
Or, don’t.
I don’t care.
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Despite everything you have heard about me, I’m really pretty easy to get along with.
Provided that you know what you are talking about.
Provided that you are not an idiot.
Which means, that you must agree with what I have to say most of the time.
Or, you simply surrender at least 51 percent of your life, your belief system, your opinion, to whatever crap I serve you. (To be continued) (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
