IT’S BEEN more than two years and the pain never went away. Time is ticking away and the old man is in his December years and from the looks of things the inspiration is gone.
“Then I was inspired now I’m sad and tired”…
It seems the old man lost so what else is there for him to do but close his mind.
Life played a cruel joke on him. Now he stands alone, no beliefs, no truths. He feels completely alone in need of a shoulder to cry on…someone…anybody to somehow ease the pain.
I guess one can’t really blame anybody. The old man is no longer the man he was. He’s not the same anymore. He’s not even half the man he was, just an empty shell of his former self. His best years have passed and he missed the starting gun.
It’s like your favourite pair of trainers or jeans; now they’re way past their prime. Yes, they once were useful and made you happy but now they’re old and damaged, good only for the trash bin.
There was hope that perhaps things would turn out better as the situation changed but really, there was not much difference; it was a case of too much expectations that didn’t turn out as promised.
You know it’s really sad. It’s the holiday season, most people look forward to spending it with their love ones.
Yet the old man is there alone sitting by the window watching the sun set as day turns to night hoping someone would come with a hug, perhaps a kiss. But I guess not, it seems nobody’s home.
It promises to be a dark long night.
“How ( long to feel the warmth of your embrace
when you hold me near
The magic moment when there’s not a trace
of my doubts and fears”…
Perhaps these excerpts from a song the old man identifies with can best visualize what’s in his damaged heart (literally speaking and no pun intended).
I hear the drizzle of the rain
like a memory it falls
soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls
And from the shelter of my mind
through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
to where my heart lies
My mind’s distracted and diffused
my thoughts are many miles away
they lie with you when you’re asleep
and kiss you when you start your day
And a song I was writing is left undone
I don’t know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can’t believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme
And so you see I have come to doubt
all that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
the only truth I know is you
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
there but for the grace of you go I …
Yes, these are lines from Kathy’s Song, a song of longing for a loved one written by Paul Simon and performed by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.
And the old man is still sitting by the window watching the sun slowly struggling to rise through the dark sky. Night is done, a new day appears but the pain and the emptiness remain.
“Four in the morning crapped out … yawning … longing my life away.”
Now the old man’s in a quandary; to die quietly in the bar, run his final marathon and go out in a blaze of glory or to go away pick up the shattered pieces and somehow start anew try to live his remaining years.
It’s just a couple of weeks till Christmas, for sure Santa Claus didn’t even remember the old man.
The heart is indeed a lonely hunter. (brotherlouie16@gmail.com/PN)
