On the Autism Spectrum
BY AIZA DELA CRUZ
“SUCCESSFUL mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles.” – Sharon Jaynes
All parents have their struggles when it comes to rearing their children, and I, too, as a parent of an autistic child, have my struggles.
One of my struggles was helping my son regulate and control his emotions and feelings. This was a difficult task as he has no inhibitions, thus, the emotions he displays are intense and unrestrained that sometimes lead to injuries. It was even challenging because my son could not talk and communicate his needs and wants like a typical child.
At one year old, my son could not talk. He only said “mama” and “dada” for daddy when he was around two years old. When he was over a year old, he would express his frustrations thru biting. If he doesn’t get want he wanted, he would immediately bite your hand or his hand. The bites were painful, and one bite from him even scarred me. It was at that time I established parental authority. I am already starting to discipline him, especially instilling in him that he cannot always get what he wanted and he has to listen to me. Discipline was needed because he would bang his head on the wall, the floor, or against my body whenever he was angry or throwing a tantrum. He would bite our hand or his hand and would suddenly arch his back while we are carrying him – such caused me to have carpal tunnel syndrome on both my hands.
Teaching my son the concept of good and bad behavior was hard. I had to be firm and not waver in my resolve. Before he even goes into his tantrum mode, I had to distract him with something more enticing to him or give him a choice. This would divert his attention to forget about what he wanted earlier.
There are times, however, when I could not stop him from his emotional outbursts or meltdowns. This was trickier because the cause of his meltdowns is sometimes so mundane, and he, not being able to talk made it more difficult. There were times when he would cry suddenly because he was afraid of the sound coming from the hair blower and vacuum, the bed sheets were being replaced, or the air conditioning unit was being cleaned. He would cry his heart out sometimes while running around because these are his sensory sensitivities. He can’t help it and he has no control over it. When this happens, I would carry and hug him, and assure him it’s alright. When he is calm, I would then explain things to him.
In the instances when my son would bite us, I would reprimand him. He would cry as if he was wronged but I just let him be. I kept reminding myself that I am disciplining my son and teaching him to regulate his emotions. I know that he is very young but I had to do it because as he grows older, his outbursts will become violent if not corrected.
When he was two years old, his meltdowns become intense. The biting stopped but there was shouting, head banging, rolling on the floor, and destruction of toys. This was my son’s frustration stage. He could not talk nor communicate his needs and wants to us, thus he would often lash out at us or throw tantrums. It was only when he was about three years old that we got the help we needed from his therapists and child psychologist. Although I said we “grieved” when we received the diagnosis, we also felt relief because everything made sense to us. We understood what was happening to our son, and we now had a way to help him.
It was helpful that I established parental authority to him early on and taught him discipline. We reinforced these with help from the therapists. Learning how to talk and communicate with us was very helpful for our son as it helped him in regulating his frustrations. Of course, the change was not instant. It was a daily routine of crying and defiance to his therapists, but, gradually, there were changes in his behavior. He was not quick to frustration or anger, and he made an effort to tell us what he wanted.
At five years old, he still has his tantrums and meltdowns but they have become infrequent as we can now reason with him. He does not lash out anymore and only expresses his anger and frustration by crying a bit. We are still firm in our discipline with him and correct him when he does something wrong.
I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with different abilities
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me at genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on autism spectrum disorder./PN
