THE TERM “logical family” (as opposed to biological family) was, I think, coined by Armistead Maupin of the “Tales of the City” fame.
I like the concept because, well, I don’t have “my own family” as my simplistic sister often say.
Maupin used the term, I guess, to refer to his estrangement from his parents (if there really was), and his San Francisco friends and community that became his extended family; not to mention his “spiritual sons and daughters” through his stories and novels.
***
I was once married, and now widowed.
So, technically, I had “my own family” in my naive sister’s sense.
I had my own family, and lost it.
But don’t cry for me, Argentina!
I’m okay, and very well moving on.
No use dwelling in the sad story of a seven-year dead husband.
***
Now, unlike my simplistic sister, I’m a man of the world.
I have traveled, met people, lived in various cultures.
I’ve read Armistead, and others.
I’ve also written like Armistead, and others.
I have friends and communities that have become my families.
Logical families, that is.
As a literary celebrity, I have fans and supporters who think like me, and who love me for the way that I think.
***
This is family to me: home.
A person with whom you can be 100% yourself.
A person who likes to be with you even if they don’t need your help.
A person whose expectations you can easily satisfy, or even exceed.
A person you want to share your meals, and trips with.
And right now, except for one sibling, that is not my biological family.
***
My biological family has different expectations of me.
There has always been homophobia.
There has always been envy—I’m an achiever.
There has always been grudges—like, how did I get all the brains; and they, only beauty? Haha.
There has always been nasty memories of childhood.
And the nasty part is always their game, their version of “being left behind.”
Before God, I can recall the happy memories of our poverty-stricken childhood.
I can recount the tragedies like a good novelist, but I always rise, and am prouder today for all that we have achieved as a family, and individually.
***
The problem is when family members think that I should take care of them in their old age, and in their married lives.
Why?
I mean, if you have made a life of 20 years or more without consulting me on any milestone, how is it my responsibility to buy you a house?
(OK, the house buying is such a drama.)
But how is it my responsibility to take you around on a vacation trip to Europe, or the USA?
***
During my tours in the last few years, I love how people value and love their family.
But I’ve also seen some families carrying the unnecessary burden of their siblings’ families on top of their own family.
Imagine a family woman in Denmark, working as a barkeep or waitress, also financially supporting the university studies of her three nephews and nieces in the Philippines.
Imagine a family woman, a nurse, with three kids; and a house, and a car to pay in California, supporting her parents, and her brother’s family of four in the Philippines.
I admire these people.
But I will not be like them.
***
My point: Did you consult me on how many children to have?
On how big a house to buy?
On how much food to eat?
On which bag to buy?
If not, why do you feel that I should pay your credit card debts for your LV and Gucci?
Why do you even look at me to tank up your gas for your BMW?
***
And that, my friend, is why I prefer a logical family than my biological family.
Biological family is all fine if they’re not toxic.
But, as any medical professional will tell you, if blood is toxic, you get it out of your system.
I think the process of removing the toxins by filtration is called hemoperfusion.
***
Who is my logical family?
I got a sister that I really adore.
She’s smart, financially independent, with strong values.
Sure, she got problems.
But she’s honest and talks to me before they get worse so I am able to help her.
***
My sisters-in-law are open to me.
They will always have my support.
And because they don’t expect me to bail them out financially all the time, I like to help them when I can.
As far as I am concerned, it is not a crime that I like my sisters-in-law more than I like my own brothers.
***
I got friends who would lie, steal, or even kill for me.
I am always grateful for them.
They are my logical family.
Some of them are my wing persons when I’m out flirting.
They’re my security contacts when some blokes pick me up with their cars for quickies, or overnights.
I give them the name or profile name, house number, phone number, or plate number of strangers I meet for hookups.
These things, I wouldn’t share with my blood relatives!/PN
