BY EDISON MARTE SICAD
“And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” — Arwen, LOTR.
THE RECENT break up of a loveteam united Filipino sentimentality with mirth. Filipinos are known (or notorious) for turning bad news into joyful pastime, of smiling despite misfortunes, without really solving the issue nor minding the long-term consequences.
Today’s article would focus on one of the aspects of human relationship — otherwise known as romance — that the youth of today are inundated to a fault.
To avoid being judgmental, I will only share my personal experience (with due respect to privacy, of course) and give my two cents worth as to what I’ve learned from entering into and failing in sustaining a relationship.
What I learned about loving, letting (being let) go, and everything in between
1. Quest
In the book The Art of Seduction by Rober Greene, as to how I understood it, seduction was invented by women to counterbalance man’s hegemony. Cleopatra’s seduction of Julius Caesar, among others, showed how dangerous and manipulative a woman can be.
To digress, the book is not just all about matters of intimacy. It also discusses propaganda: mass seduction to influence the outcome of an election or a government policy. To be politically correct, we call it Public Relations.
Going back, there is one rule in the said book that struck me the most, Rule No. 1: Choose the right victim.
At the outset, the author is telling the reader that not all will fall into the trap. Also, the author is warning the reader that there can be reversals. The seductive process can backfire to the seducer, getting caught in his own trap.
In the past, making a girl fall in love was like going on a quest. The process would excite me, challenging me to find ways and means to get pass through her defenses. And this I learned: You can make a girl fall in love and fall out of love.
Make it appear that the girl initiated the breakup. But of course, the real story is that the guy created subtle scenarios, perpetrated small actions, played the game, which eventually made the girl lose interest, doubt, and fed up with him.
2. HHWW
Getting the girl is actually the easy part. The difficulty is in sustaining the relationship—especially if it was just all a game. How long can you play the role? But this is of no concern when, as of the moment, you are still enjoying the prize. The envy of your friends.
There was a time when my friend and I made a bet. Who, between the two of us, will get the girl? And this I learned: Even if you are not her type because of body built, skin color, and bank account details, it is still possible to make her fall in love with you.
I thought this was a manly thing to do: to collect and select. But I realized it was the most cowardly and immature act a person can resort into.
3. Commitment
This is a game that is not worth playing. As one friend said, “If you chase everyone, you will end up with no one.”
All thing considered, the real man is the one who stays and fights. The one who nurtures and provides. The one who truly loves.
That is why, the tendency of social media users to normalize — and hype — the “walang forever” can lead to treating women as “stopovers” for experience purposes.
I am curious how teenagers see relationships today. For they are like sponges, absorbing social media for good and ill. Will they be able to live life with love and commitment? Courage and loyalty? When will they learn that relationships are not about keeping or settling scores? That “getting the girl” is not a success story to flaunt but an obligation to the loved one?
And hopefully, the youth of today won’t end up learning this: that breaking up is just connecting with someone new; moving on approaching the next right victim; and “walang forever” the mantra of impunity, encouraging a culture of nonaccountability./PN
