BY EDISON MARTE SICAD
“Image is what people think we are; integrity is what we really are.” – John C. Maxwell
HOW WILL you respond if someone tells you that the person you idolized committed a dastardly act? How will you process the said information? And how will you form your conclusion if such dishonorable act is already known to many, and no one seems to care or argue on the contrary?
Some of us would admire or are inspired by the lives of others. I get inspired by people who have achieved what I am aiming at and by people who have lived their lives with utmost integrity.
But I have also observed that there is a sort of a tradeoff somehow, somewhere. A person who is superbly brilliant may not have a successful relationship. A bemedaled athlete may get overly competitive and selfish. A financially well-off family can have misunderstandings about inheritance. One could be living a quiet and simple life, but somehow also haunted by regrets.
Far away from the limelight or right in the middle of the fray, we live in a social spectrum guided by our own perception and belief.
But in a society stirred and continuously shaped by hierarchies, group identities, myriad and sometimes conflicting advocacies and interests, and people with wide-ranging power and influence, to whom should we listen to?
What standard—if ever advisable and practicable—shall a person apply?
1. “Question for parents: do you want to make your children safe or strong?” -Jordan Peterson
This question is asked in the context of preparing the child for the realities of life.
Spare the rod and spoil the child: once a truism in the past, it has become a dilemma in the present. Such an advice does not only tackle disciplining at home; it is also related with learning in school.
To be safe or strong: An either-or proposition in the sense that safety means avoiding difficulties, running away from heavy burdens. Safety means rearing a child without building the emotional muscles needed to overcome the pressures of adult life.
To be strong means scarring and wounding in battle. Suffering the unkindest cuts and stabs. To voluntarily face the monster as a rite of passage. For in the process of becoming strong, we must experience pain and failure, embarrassment and criticism, unfairness and injustice.
Arguably, parents are the warrior-builders. Because of them, children become real men and women. Because of them, children get trained for battle. However, not all parents see it this way.
But regardless, life eventually becomes a battle, whether we are prepared for it or not.
2. “In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons.” – Herodotus
(As the metaphor), in these times of peace, our children are defeated and enslaved by their own addictions, indecisions, and laziness. To put it bluntly, no one is dying from violence or are killed in action. We are just a bunch of dead people walking. For we live with nothing to defend; we die for nothing of value.
In another sense, we are being killed by our own kin. Our supposed to be protectors are our oppressors. Ironically, in a democratic society, we freely choose our tyrants.
For with freedom comes responsibility and accountability. And we don’t live a life of freedom by default. We must fight for it. And the enemy could be us.
3. “Boys don’t cry—they weep.”
What do I mean by this? We weep for others not for pity but for affection, respect, and in consideration of human dignity and human nature.
To cry is to whine. To attract attention. To beg and seek for pity.
“Look how miserable I am. Help me (for I don’t want to help myself).”
“Just give me fish. I can’t learn how to fish. If I die of hunger, it will be your fault. It will be society’s fault.”
To clarify, I am not asserting the view that we should not ask for help (Ask and you shall receive).
We are wasted if left to our own whims. We need to learn how to live with our vulnerabilities, and not feed our weaknesses with our self-entitled rights and freedoms. Too much assertion of our rights—and demanding from others that they must respect our rights—can end up in all the wrong directions.
I still believe that some, if not most, of the mental depression happening at work and in school—in life itself—can be cured by living with personal responsibility.
Stop making a drama of the difficulties in life—which are usually of your own doing. Be responsible. Live with integrity. Be your own inspiration./PN
