The reader may have a different definition of bad parents. That there are parents who are really reprehensible and toxic, characterized by bad intentions and deceitful actions toward their children. In this article, the term “bad parents” is understood in another sense: in the context of the day-to-day disciplining or rearing of a child that is not criminally covered by our laws.
“Parents should understand their own capacity to be harsh, vengeful, arrogant, resentful, angry and deceitful. Very few people set out, consciously, to do a terrible job as father or mother, but bad parenting happens all the time. This is because people have a great capacity for evil, as well as good—and because they remain willfully blind to that fact.” – Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
THE FAMILY is somewhat the first society where a person belongs. All things considered, a person’s uniqueness is molded during his growing up years with family members.
With personality comes behavior and interaction with others. A child learns along the way that actions have consequences. That people respond or react to other people’s actions. There are punishments and rewards. There are rules.
A child would eventually learn that other people — and children — can act with likeness or disdain.
And when a child widens his environment, as his growing up years become more complex and complicated, he learns that rules can be broken. That rewards and punishments can go sideways. And that he himself has the capacity — the freedom — to break the rules and can get away with it. That he can also give rewards or punish others. That he can be good or evil in all sorts of ways, in all things possible — and unimaginable.
All these under the watch of his parents. For all intents and purposes, parents can make or break a child, which can lead to a son becoming an exemplary person or a spoiled, weak-willed child becoming a problem to his own self and others.
But no parents would, in all conscience, want their children to become useless, wretched, and undesirable in the eyes of society.
But sometimes, parents can be blinded by love. And their parenting skills, with the intent of protecting the children and taking care of their welfare, can lead to regrettable and disastrous consequences.
To school parents, be careful with the following “acts of love”:
1. Ordering food from fast-food chains as lunch in school;
2. Solving a school-related concern that can be adequately manage by your son or daughter;
3. Using gadgets as a reward for good school outputs; and
4. Tutoring your child in an angry voice due to his or her slow grasp of the lesson.
To parents in general:
1. Forcing your children to live their lives the way you did, especially in terms of family matters, career choice, or future endeavors;
2. To always bail your children out of financial trouble knowing that other alternatives, though difficult, are available; and
3. To use your children’s success as your personal achievement to gossip and look down on others or as an egotistical bragging rights.
Of course, it is not easy to be a parent. But with humility and maturity, heavy burdens can be sanctified.
Being a parent is a role — a responsibility — that may require as much commitment as being a spouse, if not more. And there are no hard and fast rules in rearing a child.
Culturally, each house is a territory defined by traditions and delineated by bloodlines. Family affairs are matters of private concern. And family members — with parents or grandparents — at the helm, can freely decide, with much leeway, as to how they guide and discipline everyone, especially the children.
But there are universal precepts, anchored on human nature and dignity, history and eschatology, and reason and faith that can also be allowed to enter the home. Rewards and punishments, when done holistically, can also illumine the mind and build a foundation for a courageous spirit.
In essence, there are really no bad parents, only bad parenting skills./PN
