FOR VALENTINE’S Day, I am giving way to a guest writer: Amethyst Gem.
Here goes her story: This is my undelivered letter for my first love and my first heartache. – Amethyst Gem.
More than a decade ago, I wrote a letter for my first love. This was the time when my life was shattered and turned upside down. He asked for a space; we broke up. We were only 19 at the time. Young love, if you can call it such but it can still pierce the heart. He left me hanging and up to this day and age, I still don’t know the reason.
I hope this letter will resonate with our readers, and to you my Enigma, if by any chance you will read this, I hope it brings a smile in your heart.
“January 12, 2002
To Enigma,
When I saw you during Mama’s wake, I realized that my love for you still lingers. If only time could travel back… I bet I would do all the things that I did not do in the past – not being so childish; cherish you for who you are. Thinking back aches me again and again, for I could not have imagined that I had made such terrible mistakes causing me to lose you.
Regrets and remorse are what I feel. Even now – almost 2 years since we parted, I still care for you and love you. I know I have lost my special place in your heart but at least I’ve carved special memories of you in mine.
We’ve done our best to make our relationship last longer, but things happen as they always do, and we had to say goodbye. This goodbye would not mean forgetting our memories – they are too special to forget.
We had to say goodbye but I want you to remember this: You will always have a special place in my heart. I consider myself lucky to experience a love as wonderful as yours. It pains me to realize though that I have allowed the best thing that ever happened to me to leave without a fight! And you know what hurts the most? It is the thought that you feel otherwise.
You left me hanging without even saying a word. It pains me to know that all good things must come to an end. I was hoping that ours can end in eternity.
It’s been a year since I last saw your face (When I saw you at my college graduation with your high school friends). I had seen so many moons and sunsets but still no trace of your smile. My heart longs for you as the flowers long for the rain. What have you been doing lately? I hope you still remember the way I called your name back then. There are so many things that I can’t forget about you. I wish I could be where you are right now. Hold you, hug you, caress and touch your face, and kiss you.
For 1 year and 7 months, we laughed, cried, argued, but we became closer in the process, and that made us strong. However, fate had other plans for us. Life won’t be easy without you by my side. I know I’m not the best girl in the world. I’m just an ordinary girl who loves you very much.
We shared our minds, hearts, and souls; we shared a feeling so deep that I cannot simply put it into words. The love in my heart for you will never change.
People say that time heals all wounds but the truth is scars will always remain. I never knew loving someone could hurt this bad. We have hurt each other in so many ways and the people around us.
Nevertheless, I want to thank you for all the love, happiness, pain, and the tears you brought into my life. I always told you that you came for a reason.
I only walked away because you asked me to, because it will make you happy but my heart is never letting you go. That space you filled will always be there for you.
Someday, someone might fill that space but there will always be that crevice in my heart for you and you alone. I guess I will always love you. I will always love that simple man inside, the sweet and sensitive you. I will always miss the sweet words, the love letters, your admiring glances, the tight hugs and sweet kisses, your touch on my face, your strong arms, your comfort, the feeling of being safe, your sweet smile, our dates, our phone calls, the holding hands, and just being with you.
I’m starting a new journey without you, trying to pick up the broken pieces, and finding myself again. Someday if our paths will cross again, I hope you will remember me not as the girl from your past, but the girl who loved you once.
I hope you will find your true happiness. Be happy my Enigma. Keep on smiling. Life is beautiful and that is all that matters. I love you and I always will.
If only I’d find the courage to give you this letter, I would.
I know someday our hearts will become one again but if not, I just pray that our hearts will be full of love and free from scars.
Amethyst Gem”
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For comments, you may reach the writer at belca.87@gmail.com./PN
