DURING a visit at the house of my niece Honeychile yesterday, I got hugs and kisses from her two kid daughters. It was not surprising; my niece had been very literal in heeding the Bible: “Train up a child in the way he should go, so that when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
What a short but far-reaching counsel it is! Ignore it and years later you would complain about a “black sheep in the family.”
You must have heard about that desperate mother in Davao City whose nubile daughter had left home to join the choir of the religious cult of Apollo Quiboloy.
“She does not come home anymore,” she complained to a radio anchorman.
It reminded me of a joke enjoining us to beware of the drug lord, the gambling lord and the “praise-the-lord.”
No doubt it’s never easy for parents to transform their hope for their kids into reality. There is no “standard” way to do it because children in one family tread diverse paths. Some are strong and determined while others are weak and susceptible to peer pressure.
Telling a child what to do differs from showing him how to do it.
When we were children, my brother Efren and I were the “favorite” errand runners of our dad who would often ask us to buy him a cigarette stick or two. He would occasionally caution us, however, not to take up the same vice.
The advice did the opposite effect: It aroused our curiosity to smoke when our father was not looking. I managed to resist addiction, but not my brother. He smoked for two decades and stopped only after our father had died of lung cancer.
For most young Filipinos, the transition to adulthood inspires a mix of excitement and anxiety. There is excitement in taking steps to realize emerging dreams, aspirations and possibilities. Yet there is anxiety in making the right choices, seizing the opportunities and navigating the predictable crises of adolescence.
Most of us who are now parents have lived through those anxieties and spent time convincing our kids that they, too, will survive the same transition. For the privileged youth of this country, things may end up well. They graduate, find employment, handle independence and make responsible decisions.
Nevertheless the transition to adulthood is never an automatic or uncomplicated process. Kids, no matter what their background and family financial status, need a set of basic connections to help them navigate to young adulthood. They need the guidance, the time and often the financial help of a stable, secure family.
Unfortunately, according to a recent survey made by Philamlife Insurance only 23 percent of Filipinos finish college due to financial constraints; and so they miss the skill, experience, education and confidence for successful transition to adulthood.
Meanwhile, their chances of becoming decent adolescents grow smaller while that of turning to crime for survival, bigger. Moreover, they will have difficulty advancing beyond low-wage work.
They will likely continue living in high-poverty, low-resourced communities. Perhaps most discouraging, with diminished opportunity to build economic security, they will considerably be less likely to become stable providers for their own kids.
Gone are the days when a high school diploma was sufficient to obtain a job that could support a family. There is as yet no indication that this year’s first batch of senior high school graduates under the K-12 program would be employable.
Even tertiary education does not guarantee professional success. There are still Filipino teachers working as domestic helpers abroad. (hvego31@gmail.com/PN)
