(Excerpts from testimonies and statements taken in Congress, comfort rooms and other dark hall ways)
VP SIRA: Pu…ng ina! This is no joke. No joke is this. If I die, I have already hired an ass hole…I mean, assassin to kill the President of the YMCA; his wife and the Speaker of the Home for the Aged. Pu…ng ina!
TV 6: It’s mean, Ma’am, if you don’t die, no one dies?
VP SIRA: Pu…ng ina! I will burn the COA, Landbank, Mary Grace Piattos or Kropeck, and Kokoy or Yoyoy Vitamin.
SENATOR STONE: Pu…ng ina! There is no crime there. It is a Conditional Threat and the condition not having happened, no crime has been committed. Pu…ng ina! It’s an impossible act to be possible. The QUAD is biased and a fake news.
TV PATROL: Well, this question is for Pres. Digong. The evidence shows your POGO and Chinese connection. What can you say to that conclusion of the QUAD Committee?
PRES. DIGONG: Pu…ng ina! Sampalin ko ang nagsabi dyan. As your President, it is my duty to have good relations with China to enhance our economy. And pu…ng ina…I vowed to rid my country of the peste droga and will kill anyone who destroys our youth. And China is a good friend in the drug trade. Pu…ng ina!…Besides, I have Chinese blood.
CHANNEL 4: But, Pres. Digong, you look more like a Mangyan than Chinese.
PRES. DIGONG: Pu…ng ina! That shows your historical ignorance. My nickname “Digong” is GO NG DY in Chinese and RODRIGO ROA DUTERTE is LO DY GO LOA DO TETE. Pale Xeng and I are good kumpales…had I been President, we won’t have trouble in the South China seas.
SENATOR ROBIN: It is all a matter of teritoryo. Although slit-eyed, the Chinese has a farther vision of what they own. They are a large country with a huge population …let us not make such a fuss…pabayaan na lang natin iyon…besides they have more warships and airplanes and have nuclear weapons.
SENATOR BONG: Pu….ng ina! I move, Mr, Chairman, to pass and approve a budget for the modernization of our Armed Forces by phasing out our bancas and pump boats; kites and balloons, and for speedy dispatch, without a public bidding, award the Modernization Contract to Go Utencils And Equipment Supply.
CHAIRMAN HACOP: There is a Motion to pass and approve a Modernization Project for our Armed Forces; appropriate the corresponding funds and award it to GO SUPPLY. Is there any second?
CHAIRMAN HACOP: The Chair hears none. The Motion is hereby approved.
MAKABAYAN: Mr. Chairman, I strongly register an objection to this highly irregular and illegal…
SENATOR BOMBILLA: Pu…ng ina! Mr. Chairman, for violation of Sec. 123 of the House Rules, I move that the MAKABAYAN Representative be declared in contempt and confined at the Bicutan Dentention Center.
SENATOR STONE: Pu…ng ina! I modify the Motion, Mr. Chairman, by changing the venue of detention to Davao Penal Colony under the supervision of VP SIRA.
CHAIRMAN HACOP: In view of the thunderous applause and affirmation, the Motion is granted and the MAKABAYAN Representative is hereby declared in Contempt and sentenced to confinement at the Davao Penal Colony under the supervision of VP SIRA and there to remain until the matter of his confinement is taken up in the Agenda of this Committee next year or such convenient time. I thank the Honorable Members for their services in this investigation. Session is hereby adjourned. Please remain seated as the Secretary will distribute your envelopes. Merry Christmas!/PN
