THIS is a sequel to a previous column, where I warned the youth against marrying in June just because the fiancée wants to be a “June bride.” Now we go further to see why I would never advise them to follow me, but rather to learn a lesson from me. That lesson comes from a retelling of a love story.
I was only 22 years old and in my third year as a journalist in Manila when I brought home a student wife. Unfortunately, that drove me in reverse gear: I had to withdraw what little money I had saved for my future to keep my wife and baby boy fed, clothed and sheltered. She had to quit school.
Her being jobless forced us to spend more than I was earning. Wallowing deeper in debt, we forced ourselves to do what the couples in China were doing – limit the family to only one child. That shaky marital union endured 11 years before ending in separation.
Logic dictates that an underemployed worker abhor marriage; he has not yet laid the foundation for a stable future. Our young people who go through this mistake realize that haste leads to the three “rings” – from engagement ring to wedding ring to “suffering.”
Of course, post-teenage marriage is not wrong when viewed against its moral perspective. It is a “given” that the sexual urge of a normal man is strongest in his 20s. Because of our puritan upbringing prohibiting premarital sex, the young opt to marry, lest they “sin.”
Speaking from experience, I declare that premature marriage is more “sinful” than premarital sex. Early marriage exerts so much financial pressure that the once rosy plans for the future simply wither. The birth of the first baby alone could prevent the young father from pursuing a post-graduate college degree and force him to prematurely join the rat race. In that condition, he is in no position yet to venture into riskier but more promising endeavors.
No wonder there are now used-to-be-good guys who get enmeshed in risky illegal drug dealings. They justify the act as “the only way” to send their children to school. And so the vicious cycle goes on and on from one generation to the next.
The so-called “sanctity” of marriage should be de-emphasized. While marriage itself is socially desirable, that myopic moral view should not be taken as the only acceptable path to sex.
As an institution that benefits from its flock’s early marriages, the Church — which naturally earns fees from the newly-wed couples and donations from wedding sponsors – has the moral responsibility to counsel couples-to-be about responsible parenthood. Unfortunately, the Church has not been successful in this aspect. It has not shown alarm over our 100 million-plus population that congests our small country.
In today’s permissive society, it’s a must for every young woman to learn basic family planning. Far worse than premarital sex is premarital pregnancy which could lead to premature marriage, hence perpetuating poverty.
A piece of paper called “marriage contract” has never been a guaranteed “passport” to a wedded bliss. Everybody knows people who fall in love, only to fall out when already married. Alas, I am one of them.
However, there is really no use crying over spilt milk. I count my blessings, one of them being my only son Norbert, who has opted to remain single in New York City.
I will be seeing him there soon to celebrate his 45th birthday and his freedom from married life. Cheers! (hvego31@gmail.com/PN)
