How to deal with a falling out with a friend

BY: ROEYNA MAY FAMISARAN

ONE of the worst things in life is passing by someone who used to be your 2 a.m. call and realizing that things have definitely changed.

I hate breakups with friends. It breaks my heart to think about the fact that we lose friends. We lose that BFF we had in elementary school who gave us a “Bestfriends Forever” card on the anniversary of our friendship. We lose that girl from high school who we used to exchange secrets and crushes with. We lose that guy friend who once ran to the nearest convenience store to buy us sanitary pads when we unexpectedly got our period. We lose those buddies in college who stayed with us from the nights that we were drunk until the mornings that we were still drunk. Hell, we even lose those friends who we’ve known for more than a decade already.

The worst things about this kind of friendship breakup are the truths that no explanations were said, no arguments were done, and no closures were made. It’s like suddenly stopping in the middle of an exciting roller coaster ride. Sometimes, you can see the sparks gradually fading and you prepare yourself in the process but when you realize that the friendship already came to an end, it still hurts just the same, probably, even more painful than what you expected it to be.

Then, there comes the awkward meetings and smiles. Gone are the days when your conversations were loud and thrilling and emotional all rolled into one. Gone are the most random text messages and the drunk calls. Gone are the crazy flare-ups and the no-inhibitions-confessions. Gone are the long drives to nowhere else and the spontaneous bus rides. Gone is your friend and all you have are memories.

So how do we deal with friendship breakups? It’s like dealing with a relationship breakup; it takes a whole lot of courage to let go. Here are some tips:

1. Time

This is a cliché but this is very much applicable: Time heals all wounds. It is important to give yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to be sad and cry over the breakup.

Dr. Coral Arvon, a behavorial health and wellness expert, says indulging in your own sadness will allow you to feel and come into terms with the loss of the friendship.

“When dealing with a BBF breakup, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve and indulge in your own sadness,” she explains.

2. Journal

Journals are one of the most effective ways – at least for me and a lot of people – to cope with sadness. When you write your feelings, you feel better. You feel light.

You can also try writing them a letter of goodbye. But you won’t send it. You just need to jot down all your unexpressed feelings.

“Journaling allows you to reflect and will provide a cathartic feeling because you are able to keep your feelings in a safe place, it’s always better to get your feelings out rather than keep them in,” says Arvon in an article published on glamour.com.

3. Get busy

It’s the same with romantic relationships. After mourning, you finally get out your room, pamper yourself, enrol in martial arts classes, do your evening run, or visit other places. In most cases, people distract themselves by being workaholics. But it’s not good to just work and not play. Balance is still very important. Give yourself time to explore new hobbies and do things that you’ve always wanted to do.

4. Move on

Here goes the difficult process of moving on. It will be tough. But you need to accept the fact that the friendship had ended and there’s no way you can come back since life doesn’t work that way. All you have to do is consider it as a growing experience. Friendships fall apart. And you have no choice but to move forward.

5. Appreciate your friends

You probably lost one friend but that does not mean you can ignore the others. It is high time that you give them the appreciation they deserve for sticking with you throughout the tough times. Remember, you don’t need many friends. You only need a few true ones.

Maybe, some of us are still in the process of accepting the fact that some friendships are not meant to last forever. I still am. There are friends that I miss too much. It seems that they comprise a missing limb in my body and I need them to fully function. But there are friendships that die and there are people that are meant to take an exit from our lives.

Goodbyes are definitely hard especially goodbyes that were not even said.  Maybe, just maybe, those friends were fated to stay temporarily to touch our lives and just become good memories.