KNOW that panic will not solve anything.
Know that prayers for your daily food, and for your own safety, may not really help.
Know that there are selfish prayers, and if you are praying only for your safety and salvation, then maybe you should not be heard.
Know that if you don’t have the heart for others, maybe you don’t deserve to live.
That if you think only of yourself, then maybe you should die alone.
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The Holy Week is a good time to reflect on sacrifice.
And the time of the coronavirus pandemic, too.
When faced with a crisis, and the threat of death, our true nature comes to the fore.
Do we just save our own skin?
Or do we slow down, and hold the hands of others (at least, metaphorically at this time of physical distancing)?
Do we hoard food in fear of shortage, or do we share what little we have?
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I am an expert in denying myself.
Not only did I deny my sexuality for the longest time, I’m also the kind of guy who believes in delayed gratification.
I like to suffer, and get my reward.
I don’t believe in get-rich schemes.
I don’t gamble to get rich fast.
I hard work for everything.
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If I want to buy something that I like, I make sure I have done something good to deserve it.
Like send money to my family in need.
Feed a stranger, or give to the poor.
I donate old clothes and shoes, if I want to buy a new one.
If I want a cheesecake at teatime, I probably would forego lunch.
At a party, I will have a little of everything: a matchbox size of lechon, two tablespoons worth of buko salad, a cut of adobo.
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If my belly is getting bigger, I know it’s not because I’m overeating (I’m still very thin), but because I don’t have a lot of exercise (I’m getting lazier).
I know that I am goodhearted.
At the family table, I serve myself last, eating the part of chicken that nobody wants.
At work in the hospital, I take the patients other nurses wouldn’t get.
At the store before traveling to the Philippines in February, I shared the last three boxes of facemasks with an elderly Chinese lady who wanted them for her family in Hong Kong.
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I know I’m good.
I’m ready to meet God.
But I also know it’s not so good to keep what I know a secret.
I think the biggest reason why I write is so that I could share my insights.
I know my insights are not the only correct insights.
They may not even be the best.
But I think that you, my dear readers, can spot the untruth, and insincerity, if they exist.
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The witnessing, the honest confession of my foibles and shortcomings are part of my dying to self.
Dying to self-pride.
Nobody requires me to disclose my vulnerabilities to you.
By writing about myself, and my thoughts, I am opening myself to your criticism, and ridicule.
You can scoff, and laugh, at me.
But I’m already dead to myself.
*
And because I am dead to my worldly self, I can pray for you.
For the country, for the planet, for the world.
So, if you have ears to hear, and eyes to see, die a little today, this week, this month, during this pandemic.
Think, and pray, beyond your selfish self.
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Help beyond your family, and circle of friends.
Give until it hurts.
Share the last drop.
Think big.
Think Paradise.
Think kingdom come here on earth. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
