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BOBBY MOTUS
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February 18, 2018
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GUY A asked Guy B, “What’s on Feb. 14”? Guy B replied, “Are you single or married?” Guy A: “Married.” Guy B: “Then it’s Ash Wednesday.”
Allow me to be off-topic today. The day of hearts happened to be Ash Wednesday this year and I hope every practicing Catholic had fulfilled their spiritual obligations before embarking on their “heartfelt” intentions.
On Friday was also the New Year in the Chinese lunar calendar and, 2018 being the Year of the Dog, I do hope that our political and sporting leaders stop barking at each other and make a serious bite on issues that concern the daily existence of the marginalized sector.
Back to V-Day. I’m nearing the age of enjoying discount cards and I had my share of romantic acrobatics. My age group had overgrown our flings, picked the right life partners, settled down, had children, and raised families. There is a need to be responsible. We had provided for them food on our tables, clothes on their backs and roofs above their heads. We ensured the children’s well-being and education. We all went through these because of one thing – love.
So, what is love? One’s definition may vary from everyone but I see it as a clueless cycle of hardships and happiness that we just can’t predict what comes next, even at this age. We had been hurt but didn’t give up, it’s for better or for worse, at its finest. Love satisfies our emotional needs – the need to belong, feel appreciated, be wanted.
It’s because of this feeling that we, gentlemen, have that inner fear of our respective ladies, our bulging biceps and deep booming voices notwithstanding. Ever wonder why we sit tight and be quiet when their mouths go full blast? When they go this way, there are a few words that we should be wary when they start to use them already.
FINE. Wives use this to end an argument when they think they’re right and we need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES. This means at least half an hour if she’s getting dressed but five minutes is only five minutes if you had been given that time to finish whatever you’re doing before helping her with the housechores.
NOTHING. This is scary as this is the calm before the storm. This actually means something and you should be very, very careful. Arguments that begin with NOTHING usually ends in FINE.
GO AHEAD. This is a dare, not a permission. Unless you have a death wish, don’t do it.
THAT’S OK. The most dangerous word a woman can say to a man. This means she will be thinking long and hard before deciding when and how you will be suffering for your mistake.
THANKS. Just say, “You’re welcome.” Do not ask why.
WHATEVER. It’s a woman’s diplomatic way of saying “F*** you!”
LOUD SIGH. Actually not a word but is a silent testament often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you’re an idiot and wonders why she’s wasting her time arguing with you over NOTHING.
All happily married gentlemen can relate to these words and we must admit that, although we often toe the line as far as our wives’ wishes are concerned, we still need their shining and calming presence around. Our lives are never complete without these wonderfully complex, intriguingly beautiful creatures. Thank you Lord for women!
To our more adventurous friends, I hope you had thought about the consequences and let feelings go to our brains instead of our loins. Remember, babies are sexually transmitted. Serious relationship, as in marriage, is a lifetime commitment. We had booked restaurants this February and, if we’re really serious, will book churches in June so that by November, we can book hospitals for the arrival of our babies.
Happy Chinese New Year!/PN
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