BY KLAUS DORING
“RELATIONSHIP” comes from the Latin “referre” or “relatum” which means “to bring back”.
Why do some relationships break down?
Some might say: That’s of no importance to me. That doesn’t worry me at all. There is even no need to worry about it.
Yes, sometimes, we wish people around us weren’t so thoughtless.
In one of my penultimate columns I tried to explain, when to keep our mouth shut, silence is also an answer. Sure! But some of my readers posed the question if broken relationships can be only restored by silence or waiting. My answer is YES and/or NO!
Sometimes it’s a wonder, what a small dose of determined silence can do. Relationships are ALWAYS worth restoring, because life is all about learning how to love and how to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict. The Bible tells us that all of us have been given the ministry of restoring broken relationships.
Broken or cooled down relationships can be noticed at any corner. Restoring them is equal to peace-making or peacekeeping but also not avoiding facing conflicts. Running away from a problem (and then keeping the mouth shut!), pretending that the problem doesn’t exist or being too afraid to talk about it – that’s how the hypocritical coward acts. Some people love to downplay everything: Things aren’t too bad, they could be worse! Come on guys!
I always love to talk to God before I talk to a person. Later, I can find the right moment and take the initiative to restore broken relationships or face the problem. I can even look out for others’ interests first. I can use “my telescope of life” (from the Greek word “skopos”) and play close attention. I can start with sympathy but not with great solutions right away. I can confess my part of a possible conflict.
Paul said in Romans 12:18: “Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody!” In resolving conflicts, a word not to be spoken may be the choicest word of all, or IF WE TALK, HOW we say it, is important.
The US author Rick Warren confessed in one of his books: “We can establish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences. Christians often have legitimate, honest disagreements and differing opinions. But we can disagree without being disagreeable. The same diamond looks different from different angles. God expects unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue!”
Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” says: “Problems and heartaches in life are inevitable. However, there are some things to remember when you’re right in the thick of it that can help you get through it.”
Sometimes life’s rough patches feel like they’re going to last forever. Whether you’re dealing with work-related issues, family problems or stressful situations, very few problems last for a lifetime. So remind yourself, that things won’t be this bad forever.
When things are going wrong, it’s hard to recognize what is going right. It’s easy to screen out the good things and only focus on the bad things. Remind yourself that some things are going right. Purposely look for the positive, even if it is something very small.
One of the most important things to remember is that you have some control of the situation. Even if you aren’t in complete control of the situation, one thing you can always control is your attitude and reaction. Focus on managing what is within your control.
Asking for help can be hard sometimes. However, it’s one of the best ways to deal with tough situations. Tell people what you need specifically if they offer to help. Don’t be afraid to call on friends and family and ask them for help, whether you need financial assistance, emotional support, or practical help.
Most of the problems we worry about today won’t actually matter five years from now. Remind yourself that whatever is going wrong now is only a small percentage of your actual life. Even if you’re dealing with a major problem, like a loved one’s illness, remember that a lot of good things are likely to happen in the course of a year or two as well.
A lack of confidence in handling tough times can add to stress. One of the best things to remember is that you can handle tough situations. Even though you might feel angry, hurt, disappointed or sad, it won’t kill you. You can get through it.
No matter how bad a situation is, it’s almost certain that something good will come out of it. At the very least, it’s likely that you will learn a life lesson. Perhaps you learn not to repeat the same mistake in the future or maybe you move on from a bad situation and find something better. Look for the one good thing that can result when bad things happen.
There are many things that aren’t within your control. You can’t change the past, another person’s behavior, or a loved one’s health issues. Don’t waste time trying to force others to change or trying to make things be different if it isn’t within your control. Investing time and energy into trying to do things you can’t will cause you to feel helpless and exhausted. Acceptance is one of the best ways to establish resilience.
One of the things to remember when you’re facing difficulties is that you’ve handled problems in the past. Don’t overlook past difficulties that you’ve dealt with successfully. Remind yourself of all the past problems you’ve overcome and you’ll gain confidence in dealing with the current issues.
When everything seems to be going wrong, take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, get some exercise, eat healthy, and spend some time doing leisure activities. When you’re taking better care of yourself you’ll be better equipped to deal with your problems.’
All of the success in the world won’t matter if you cross the finish line alone and miserable. Take care of yourself, allow yourself to receive help when needed, and don’t be afraid to look at the deeper reasons why you’re doing this in the first place. In the end, it’s the journey that carries most of the magic — so might as well make it one hell of a ride.
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Email: doringklaus@gmail.com or follow me on Facebook, Linkedin or Twitter or visit www.germanexpatinthephilippines.blogspot.com or www.klausdoringsclassicalmusic.blogspot.oom./PN
