Joe and Jerry

JUST TWO weeks from now, we will know if JOE 1-2-3 will be re-elected city mayor or it’s JERRY again.

Nothing substantial has been heard from the political camps but only seen…the illegal campaign posters, as usual, pasted and plastered everywhere, anywhere, wherever.

It’s the calm before the storm. But the people are waiting, borne out of political tradition, when will the money come?

***

It’s hot and there are only two subjects to debate which has no end to discussion, religion and politics. And today, the subject of the hot day is politics. We shall be electing our public officials whose vision hereafter shall govern and goddamn the future of Iloilo City.

And of course, the contending parties have their share of the good, the bad and the ugly.

The following are qualities you may find in the candidates:

* he has done nothing bad…neither good; no money, no project; member of the Chinese Tong; he is humble and approachable; sings well; answers well questions that are not asked; approach with caution; approach with cash; thief / robber; immoral

* you sing his tune; thinks deep and does nothing; doesn’t think at all and does nothing; kuripot; does not give money to querida; sickly; average mind but ugly; butigon; undergraduate; great pretender; incompetent; old carabao

* not good with mother-in-law; plasticly insincere; chairman of the Committee on Silence; no talk, no utok; you see him only during elections; does not go to church; done well in public service; very good in collection; improved the lot of…himself ; never stopped running for public office

* mental dishonesty; greedy; has high blood pressure; diabetes; hyphotitis; good at hugging; cries easily; hard of hearing when asked a favor; pick pocket / switik; generous with public funds; has money this election

There is more but objectionable. Come to think of it; these admirable attributes refer to most of them.

***

Nowadays, if you have nothing good or necessary to say of a candidate, ‘tis better to say nothing. Niating will say it for us…by the way, she is my mother-in-law.

Our main sources of dirt are the many paid political hacks or kumain-tators polluting the airwaves with intriguing political tidbits. Whether true or false, fake or fact, they have magic qualities that titillate the vacant mind; perhaps sway the listener to make the wrong vote.

These garbage purveyors have to make a living. Someone has to do the dirty job and who else can best handle the rotten muck that comes in the wake of politician, save its own ilk, familiar in the pig sty?

The charges of graft and corruption are not new. It has become so common and acceptable as part of Filipino culture and way of life. It is expected. Only the modus operandi varies and the amounts involved, horrendous, obscenely unconscionable.

Public office is a license to steal. It is the gateway to riches. It is heaven on this earth. And there is really nothing that money cannot buy.

Members of the House are con men…congressmen. There is no Con-man, who is not a PM-naire after a term in Tongress. Even a party-list con-man belonging to the Hayahay ng Falayfay or Partido Pigado. Getting rich is just a career risk in Tongress. That is why so many, fired by the patriotic fervor of screwing…serving the people are running for the dishonorable office.

Don’t blame them. They are just being practical and in a hurry. It takes too long to live the honest life of the rich and famous; whereas, if you are elected con-man of the district…well…well.

***

The most awaited fight is for the No. 1 spot…which is the City Mayor.  JOE 1-2-3 is the incumbent and JERRY carries with him the reputation of decades of service as City Mayor and the House; and now, that his term is over in the minefields, he wants to take back the City throne because of the public clamor of the Barangay Captains, according to him.

So many politicians and members of their family have held on to power that Public Office has been regarded as hereditary property. It is handed down from father to son to sister-in-law to brother to aunt.

JOE 1-2-3 and JERRY are brothers-in-law. In other words, like me, we are all under-the-saya.

So, this is really just a Settlement of the Intestate Estate of Iloilo City. And the people will decide…depending on who buys…ah, loves them the most. (muzones_law_office@yahoo.com/PN)

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