I LOVE it that people also feel for me when I’m in love.
I think that is why I keep on posting my love thoughts on Facebook as they happen.
Somehow, it makes me friends with the world.
They see me, they feel me.
*
You only have to check the hundreds of ‘likes’ and ‘hearts’, and occasional ‘tearful faces’ my romantic posts get.
It’s like the world is with me.
Like, my people also feel the love that I feel.
And they are saddened by my desperation, and sense of loss, when I post about my impossible loves.
*
Last Friday, I left the country for the United States.
And I was back to my airport count.
Iloilo was Airport #32 in this 2018 series.
Los Angeles was Airport #36.
In between was NAIA 3, NAIA 1, and Pudong/Shanghai International.
I wrote short poems in these airports.
Read them here on Wednesday.
*
Again, no Pinoy boyfriend was won over this 90-day Pinas trip.
Not that I did not try.
Oh, I did.
Although I must admit, my choices were pretty impossible like the lotto.
Could I be sabotaging my own Boyfriend Project?
*
I mean, you have got to ask—
If he really wanted a boyfriend, why did he look at teenage boys instead of the more mature types?
But you did not know.
I did look at guys ages 27, and 33!
*
It’s just that my infatuation with the 17-year-old was more Facebook publicized, to say the least.
I mean, when I talk of Impossible Loves, what could be more dramatic than a 49-er pining over a seventeener?
*
I didn’t really expect for love to blossom at this time.
I mean, I did… for the 27, and 33, year olds.
But I’ve decided to be patient with the 17-year-old.
Well, the 33 year old was so consumed by his own grief (his father died recently) he couldn’t really see me.
He didn’t recognize me as Love.
*
I guess he appreciated my attention, and comfort.
And my availability in the time of his bereavement.
This guy has idolized me over the years.
It was big deal for him that “the” Peter Solis Nery attended his father’s wake.
And he claims we had some sort of an affair before I moved to Los Angeles in 2006.
*
How can I forget that?
It was so cute.
I mean, the revelation.
He claims he gave me his “virginity”.
I guess, it means his first, and only, time with a gay guy.
If he must be believed!
And now, I felt I should give him justice by marrying him.
*
I mean, it’s doable.
He is freaking hot these days.
Healthy living, cosmopolitan outlook, responsible dollar-earner.
He said he was rather skinny when we spent the night together under a moonless sky.
Maybe that’s why I don’t remember.
*
I met the 27-year-old on my last night in Dumangas.
The town had its version of Oktoberfest.
I flirted around my town mates because the 17-year-old, who was the apple of my eye, was not giving me the time of day.
The 27-year-old ruined my packing for the trip schedule, and made me drink beer.
*
We partied until about 3am.
Of course, he was gorgeous.
Why else would I stay up that late, and drink the gout-triggering beer, when I needed to pack early for my trip later in the day?
But more than gorgeous, he was rather smartly playing to my thoughts and opinions.
*
He’s open to the idea of same-sex couplehood.
He understands my libertine ideals, and admires my devil may care confidence.
And he is not really concerned about our 22-year age difference.
I like him.
*
He woke up with a hangover the following day.
But not hangover enough to ignore my text messages.
I told him I’m having separation anxiety.
And I’m actually panicking because I’m not even packed for my trip yet.
Could he please come visit me?
*
And sweet guy that he is, he did come over.
I felt like Rapunzel.
Or that girl in ‘Tangle’.
If he decides to marry me, I’ll marry him the next time we see each other.
*
I mean, I hate that we did not kiss yet.
But the fact that he came over when I wanted to see him, that’s big on my book.
I want someone with me when I panic.
*
I’m not a nice person when I panic.
I sometimes even scream at my assistants and helpers.
But he calms me down.
And I like that.
I really like that.
*
Or, maybe, I just like him.
And shouldn’t that be enough reason to marry him?
I mean, it’s easy for others to criticize my choices in men.
But they don’t know how hard it is for someone like me to find someone who will maybe even just hold my hand. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
