Laugh lines

ACCORDING to Facebook memories, on Nov. 30 last year, these were among my funny lines on Facebook, all four in one day:

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Imagine mo for a moment na mahal kita at gagawin ko ang lahat para sa iyo. Tapos, imagine mo rin na hindi pala kita mahal. Ganern. Quits na tayo!

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Ok na ako sa kung anong pagmamahal ang kaya mo lang ibigay. ‘Yon nga lang din, don’t expect me to give my all. Quid pro quo.

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Nice men have the same failure rate in relationships as handsome people, so why not just go for hot and handsome?

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Ayoko na ng mabait na boyfriend, gusto ko na lang, guapo at magaling magtrabaho.

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These lines where triggered by the Facebook post capacity that allows for a colored or designed background. If it’s written a little longer, the background disappears. I like that space challenge as a writer. It’s like Twitter’s 140 characters and spaces. And I like the idea of colorful backgrounds for my posts. So here goes December funny lines and most popular posts:

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DepEd definition: UTAK- (kung meron) HAM (binuro sa asin) & CHEESE (parang panis na gatas). (683 likes, 20 shares)

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One good thing at a time can grow to something big in response to chaos. (280 likes, 3 shares) 

This is something profound I wanted to say about the bayanihan of helping the typhoon and flood victims of Cagayan valley.

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Literature is not 150,000 readers reading shit. There is nothing noble in teenage porn writing. (377 likes, 145 shares)

This is a commentary on the pornographic writing by teens on Wattpad and the RPW communities on Facebook.

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The Facebook likes (or reaction emojis) and post sharing (shares) should give you an idea of the psychology of my demographics. What kinds of stuff people want to lap up from my social media account.

Admittedly sometimes, I like playing to my crowd. Because who doesn’t like “likes” if you are good at funny lines like me?

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My crowd likes it when I talk about jowa (boyfriend), and when I call people tanga (stupid) or bobo (idiot) for of their idiotic ideas and stupid behavior. 

That’s how I earned my hashtag #PSNLangMalakas. Because I owned it. I swag with attitude, but it’s all very me. Smart, flawless, awesome. Unless you are a stupid prude who stupidly don’t get my humor. Watch me:

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Hindi lahat ng jowa umaabot hanggang Pasko. Kung minsan, exchange gift and tawag doon. (608 laugh emojis, 18 shares)

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May quota rin sa mga tarantadong jowa. After that, either matinong jowa na, or forever na talagang wala. (288 laugh emojis, 3 shares)

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Hindi ako naaawa sa mga nagmahal at di nagkajowa. (O sa mga writers na rejected.) Humahanga ako sa tapang nila. (625 reacts, 32 shares)

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‘Wag masyadong emote. Lunes na Lunes, e! Mahal din naman kita. Di nga lang tumagal. Maarte ka kasi. (652 laugh emojis, 28 shares)

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Hindi porke’t crush kita, ibig-sabihin noon sobrang guapo ka na. Maghulos-dili ka, oy! May kabayo ring guapo! (719 laughs, 46 shares)

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Sinabihan ka lang na masarap kausap, kung umasta ka na’y akala mo sinong matalino. Gago! Bored lang ako kagabi! (426 laughs, 10 shares)

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Our story has to be told. ‘Di lang naman kasi tayo ang marupok. Silang naghintay ng three years or three days, marupok din sila. (139 emojis, three shares)

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Mainsulto ka kung minahal lang kita at hindi ako interesado sa katawan mo. Museum art ka ba? Look but don’t touch? (258 laughs, 9 shares)

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Hindi lahat ng virgin, matino. Ang iba sa kanila, sinungaling at ipokrito. Ang iba, wala talagang nauto. (243 laughs, 2 shares)

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Kung makipag-break ka, akala mo wagas! What if pinaglaruan din lang kita? Pinagpraktisan? ‘Wag kang tanga. 2020 na! (383 laughs, 20 shares)

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“Oo naman” ang tanging sagot sa tanong kung virgin ka pa ba. Kung big deal sa kanya, you can lie! Wala pong basagan ng trip. (101 reacts, 3 shares)

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Say what you will about me. But I feel so happy and proud that I was able to entertain and make a lot of people laugh online via my Facebook posts. 

The stupid among you may call my antics as “conduct unbecoming” of a great writer.

Well, I stick my finger up yours! 

Because when this terrible year is over, I will ask you, What have you done to reduce the misery of the world?

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More of signature PSN laugh lines in my next column! 

Happy New Year!/ PN