Learning about Teaching: Of Women and Relationships (3 of 5)

BY EDISON MARTE SICAD

LEGEND HAS it that a renowned male writer has been dedicating the many years of his life writing a magnum opus entitled: Understanding Women. So far, he is still collecting and cross-referencing his data. He may eventually opt for lesser formidable topics such as Quantum entanglement, the Higgs boson particle, or the Ifs and Whys of rhombohedron crystals in our brain.

This legend could as well be also a myth—and myths give us the metanarratives as guides for understanding the numinous. This is not to say that the writer’s goal is pointless for being elusive—for understanding is not just an act: it is also a process—of probabilities and not of certainties. Some may consider the writer as a melodramatic artist (This may sound redundant). And practical men—and women—may just retort, “Get a life!”

But for the writer, his book could just be his humble offering to the altar of Craftsmanship. And invocating “ye Muses who dwell in the house of Olympus,” is continuing Hesiod’s formula in contemplating the Divine. For indeed, understanding women may not be a reasonable pursuit befitting an analytic mind; such magnum opus is a discourse requiring faith: for relating with women is appropriately done not with an understanding brain but, more importantly, with a loving heart.

OF WOMEN

Legend has it that an atheist became a Christian upon seeing a beautiful woman. And believed as well in Hell upon marrying one. To the men out there, “Can I hear an amen to that?”

Now, “What is a Woman?”

Woman is the personification of the Yin and Yang; the mouthpiece of the Dialectic Process; and the embodiment of the Seasons of Change (could be observed monthly).

And allow me to argue that Woman is the better version of Man: not in the sense of competing with and downgrading Man, but in the common sense that Man’s life has more meaning because of Woman: as Spartan women give birth to real men; as Hesiod need the Muses to write epic lines; as the Motherhood of Mary sanctify family roles, among others; and as Jerry Maguire confesses to Dorothy, “You complete me.” In other words, Woman is essential, not incidental to Man’s wellbeing. Woman is the litmus test of verifying if the Man is, indeed, Manly. To the women out there, “Can I hear an amen to that?”

Now, being idealistic about Woman is the easy part. The reality may slap us (literally) upon meeting/marrying one from our daydreaming. That’s why EDUCHILD courses, such as Beyond “I Do,” are good avenues in learning about loving one’s spouse. That’s why marriage is not just a contract: it is a sacrament; And that’s why there is such a thing as an All-boys and All-girls school (But this is another story).

Woman is continually teaching me one thing: True love is not just a Man’s personal and social responsibility; more importantly, it is a Man’s spiritual commitment: a conduit to Man’s covenant with God.

OF RELATIONSHIPS

Student: Sir, how do you court a girl?

Me: Well, you know class, courting a girl begins with…

With eyes wide open and ears wider, with bated breath, they listened as if their lives hang in the balance.

I have books for women, of women, and by women. But despite the bliss I get from books—convinced by the thought that I can never be alone—still, upon seeing a woman, I do feel alone—and lonely. But isn’t it that love springs forth from such yearnings? That it is from her absence that eventually I will learn to value her presence? And such presence is sufficient in redeeming me from my wretchedness? As the saying goes, “The best love songs were written from a broken heart”. Or we can define love as, Love is (insert Taylor Swift lyrics).

But going back to my students (for they’ve been holding their breath for love). This topic—of courting a girl—requires no learning motivation. The flame has attracted the moth, so to speak. And so, to roughly summarize the class discussions, here are THREE LESSONS about courting:

LESSON 1:  Love letters.

Love letters must be handwritten and given as a surprise with the “right timing” (You cannot learn this from books).

We are talking here about effort—as well as penmanship, syntax, and creativity (the choice of paper and ink). So, gentlemen, listen very well to your English, Filipino, and Art teachers. Write that letter. The process alone will test your resolve. But be careful: a love letter can also be used against you! (Read the case of Guevarra vs. Eala).

LESSON 2: Flowers.

The giving of flowers can be done anytime. Just give. You can calendar it, or you can be spontaneous. Know the meaning of colors. This can “save” you. So, research well. Study. Effort pa more. Ay nanu, pigaw! Flowers and Love letters: the second-best combo. The giving of flowers could also be a peace offering—or a smokescreen. At pag ginawa niyang My Story ang combo mo, as they say, “It’s not official until it is Facebook official.” And lastly,

LESSON 3. Food…

And more food. To a woman, the next best thing to a love letter is the menu. And so, Flowers with Love letters AND Food: the best—and most expensive— combo in man’s search for meaning. Love can be emotionally—and financially—draining. So, gentlemen, be open to your parents about love—for they have the “power of the purse”—and courting.

SOMEHOW, IT is in courting where a young man will learn more about women and relationships coupled with maturity. And this is where parents will eventually delineate love and support from responsibility and independence. Also, this is where the young man will learn about living a life on his own and get to know that love is not so much about how much pleasure you can get from someone; but rather, as to how much pain you can endure for the loved one—the “muchness” of love. That’s why it is for better or worse, among others. And this learning about loving takes place in the family (or social media—for better or worse).

IN CLOSING, I may teach about love, but somehow, only parents can really show what love is. And this is where the importance of family—the School for Parents—come in (But this is another story)./PN