By Aiza dela Cruz
MOTHER’S Day has passed and we all have celebrated our mothers for their love, sacrifice, and struggles in rearing us. I, too, am grateful. I am thankful that I am a mother. Motherhood has taught me a lot of things. It helped me grow as a person. And the person behind it is my son. Here are some things that my son taught me:
Unconditional Love
It is my son who taught me the beauty of unconditional love—a love which gives and never expects anything in return. My son started out as non-verbal and even then, I was happy and contented with his expressions of love. He would look at me adoringly and hug me. I made up for his inability to tell me that he loves me by always telling him that I love him and what I loved about him. I never expected a reply from him, but when he did, it melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It became a bragging right and a cause for a celebratory chocolate treat.
My son’s love is unreserved, pure, and innocent, even persistent at times. When you think that he doesn’t hear you or not aware of your feelings, he would reciprocate in a way that you would not anticipate. Whenever he sees me frowning, he would climb up to me and massage my furrowed brows with his little fingers until they are smoothened out. When I reprimand him, he would tell me to love him in between crying. When I am angry, he would wriggle his way into my arms, hug me tight, and kiss me. I did not teach him these things nor did his YouTube shows, but these were entirely his own, born out of his desire to show his love for me.
My son is autistic and other people may view that as a disability or something to be pitied on, but he is just like any other child who can feel and display a wide range of emotions. The emotions he feels may not show on his face but there are different ways of showing one’s emotions.
Broader Perspective
I am not a patient person and having a child was a challenge to my patience. Changing and broadening my perspective helped improve my patience.
I remember a time when I was teaching my son. I was exasperated as he would not say the name of the things in the picture. I was already frowning and on the verge of anger. My son stood up from his chair and went to me. He smoothed the wrinkles on my forehead and looked at me. When I was no longer frowning, he went back to his chair. This small act of his awakened me from my own overwhelmed emotions. It was not me being patient while teaching him, but it was him who was being patient while I was teaching him. He was still there with me, wriggling in his chair and looking around everywhere, but he was still sitting down, trying hard to focus and listen to me. It was then that my perspective changed.
I have to acknowledge that my son has a different mind and he thinks differently from other children. He has his own way of learning and it is up to me, as his mother, to find those ways to help him learn. I rid myself of the standardized developmental goals and the standard education system. I had to rethink as to what is important for a child’s survival and independence. I focused on what makes him happy and his interests, rather than what is expected in a standard education. Allowing my son to do what he wants, rather than forcing him to do things how I do them, led to my son’s independence especially on his self-care skills. It also led to him being an independent learner.
Grit and Tenacity
My son is tenacious. Some people may see it as stubbornly persistent but he is not. He does not yet have the concept of failure or giving up, thus if he wants to do something, he will do everything to make it happen.
My son likes building towers with his lego. He likes to build them using single bricks and wants them very tall. After about one foot, it becomes physically impossible for the tower to stand straight supporting a heavy roof on the top supported by a long line of single small bricks. Thus, the tower breaks and falls apart. My son gets exasperated but continues to make the tower, over and over again. As he goes about his play, he would tweak his design until he was able to build about a two-foot tall tower. After successfully making the tower he wanted, his happiness was so great that he sang and danced around.
Despite failing so many times while he was building his tower, my son did not give up. He continued and pushed through all his exasperation, tears, and crying. I admire and love my son’s tenacity. It reminds me to always pick myself up and push through all the challenges and hardships that I may face. It is okay to cry when things become overwhelming. The important thing is to stand up again and face all the challenges head on.
Things are hard for me and son as we live in a typical world. We live in a world where the different are forced to adapt and conform to the norms. It is hard, but I know for sure that my son and I will not give up achieving and reaching his potentials. After all, “successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled; they are the ones that never give up despite the struggles.” (Sharon Jaynes)
I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with different abilities.
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me on genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on the autism spectrum disorder./PN
