I’M TELLING you this because I love you, boy.
Do not be so smug. You are just young. You only have youth working for you. You may have physical beauty. But you have yet to know the inner beauty that radiates from one’s soul, that does not fade with age.
You do not really know the whole wide world. You have no real knowledge of the complexity of life. You haven’t suffered the worst yet.
You have no money. Or, at least, not real money. Not allowance from your parents.
You think your life will be bigger. You think you can be anything you desire to be — astronaut, pilot, doctor, lawyer, Casanova, Einstein, even president. I can understand your optimism. Good luck!
But first, finish your studies. Go job hunting. Get rejected even before the interview begins. Take on contractual jobs without benefits. Take on minimum wages. Or review for the bar, for the board exams, for your professional license. And fail. I’m sure you will triumph in the end. But I assure you it will not be easy road ahead.
Now, fall in love. Get nervous, get excited. Be happy. Be jealous. Get cheated on. Break her heart. Break your heart. Break his heart. Break my heart.
I once was young, too. I once had bigger dreams, too. I once believed in fairy tale romances. I kissed a few frogs. I flirted with several Prince Charmings. But they weren’t as charming as I thought. Or, they weren’t really a good match for me. So I decided to be happy with myself first, and to be smart about things. But most of all, about my choices in love.
I decided I am not perfect. No one is. Not even the man of my dreams. I will never be perfect for anyone. No one will ever be perfect for me. But it doesn’t mean I should give up on love, or on romance. It’s the little things we do for love that make it romantic. It’s the quality of love we have for the other that makes our love seem like a fairy tale.
I met an older man when I was younger. He was much older than I was. But he was head over heels in love with me. I imagine as head over heels as I am with you now. He wasn’t perfect for me, but he was nice. As nice as I want to be for you. (Although, I really think I can even be much nicer.)
We both allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. I let myself be touched by kindness, by respect, by inspiration. We tried to commit to each other. And I liked the two of us together. I discovered more qualities about him when we lived together — the good, and the bad. I didn’t dwell on the things I didn’t like about him. I selfishly focused on my sense of comfort, security, happiness, and freedom to be me when I am with him.
But he must have liked me a lot, must have tried to overlook my not-so-good qualities, or maybe got very comfortable with the security of us together. He proposed to me. I said yes. Because to say no to the possibility of a long term relationship, to be so sure of anything before trying it is equal to not living.
To love is to take a risk. If I said no, I would have just closed a door. But if I said yes (and I was happy enough to say yes then), I could open more doors. If saying yes was a mistake, I figured that I could always say no at a later time. I could say goodbye at some point in the future. But I gave my commitment, and made the relationship work. (There was no reason for me to sabotage a relationship that gave me comfort, security, happiness, and freedom.)
I saw love in everything he did for me. I showed him love in every way I could. I was clumsy in my ways of loving because I was young and imperfect. But what I did for love weren’t clumsy at all because I didn’t force them to be fairy tale romantic. We kept to the comfort, security, happiness, and that sense of freedom in being together. We both realized we were lucky to have each other. And when he died, I didn’t have any regrets. He died feeling loved. And I survived him feeling more capable of loving another person, and the world.
I’m telling you this because I love you, boy. But you have to look inside your heart to see what you really want in this life. Just because you dream it, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you. Often, love is a commitment. But firstly, it is being vulnerable, and being open to possibilities. It is also about taking risks, and risking your heart to be broken.
I cannot promise that I will not break your heart. But I am smarter about these things, and I have no reason to sabotage a relationship that gives me comfort, security, happiness, and freedom to be myself. If this sounds like love to you, let’s get on with Love. I love you already! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
