BY AIZA DELA CRUZ
FATHER’S Day has passed, and we all have declared our love, devotion, and pride for the men in our lives. I would share this letter written by my husband for our son, hoping that other parents in similar circumstances find strength and courage to overcome the challenges autism may present in our lives.
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Dearest Son:
Today, on Father’s day, I remember the first time we met you.
You were born so small. You barely weigh anything at all. I was so afraid of holding you at that time. I was very reluctant when the hospital nurses gave you to me. But I knew that you are my boy, and I was never more proud of being your father.
However, our joy was short-lived. Soon, we were noticing some strange things about you. Things that others said are unusual for a baby to do. You barely cry. You do not pay attention to light or shadow. You do not respond to noise stimuli or even when we call your name. We thought it could be a hearing problem, so we went to different doctors to have you examined. The hearing was fine, they said, but the inattention to sound stimulus continued.
By the time you are two years old, a time where most babies are babbling chatterboxes, you are very quiet. You speak, yes, but your words are, mostly, mumbles or grunts of intention, and no complex words came from you. You cannot communicate what you want to say, and our worries worsened.
At this point, we decided to take you to a child psychologist. We were given a result that we were hoping would not be: you had been diagnosed autistic.
The diagnosis was indeed a heavy shock for your mother and me. We have barely any idea how to deal with our firstborn, yet now we also had to deal with you being autistic. We were confused, fearful, and afraid of what the future holds for you since you belong to the spectrum.
We did not give up on you. You are our son. As your parents, we decided to give you the best help we could have. From having different specialists look at you to having therapists come and give you lessons in improving your speech and behavior, we went through that to assist you in becoming the best you can be.
Even in our spare time, we have to attend lectures and seminars of renowned children psychologists, autism specialists, and other experts in the field of neurological medicine. Articles, seminar notes, and books about autism are abound and being read constantly by us. We know this may somehow help us understand you better.
Why are we doing this? Because we love you very much. You are a bright young boy and a very loving son. Even with your communication problems, you are never short of showing your affection and love to us, your parents. You always greet us with hugs and kisses, and you always smile and say thank you when your favorite food is given. You are naughty at times, but we understand that most children have that kind of mischievousness. You are a warm and loving person, and so we are proud to be your parents.
As the years go by, we learned more about autism. We started to understand more about this condition, and we give you more and more lessons and attention. Slowly but surely, the lessons started to bear fruits. You now know how to speak. You can freely express yourself in words and conversational sentences. You know how to interact. You can tell what you feel, what you like or dislike. You can take care of yourself. From wearing clothes, feeding yourself, and even self-care in toilet needs are possible. You are now a fully functional and self-reliant little boy of five years of age.
Still, we are not done helping you. Although you are independent now, we are determined to help you with your education, social skills, and overall growth development.
Autism is a lifelong condition. We understand that we can never remove that as a part of you. As your parents, we will support you along the way to help you be the best you can be, even though autism makes life a bit harder for you.
In the future, if you ever read this short letter, know that I am still proud to be your father. The challenges of raising a child may be different from family to family, but I am happy to say that you are never a burden to us. With more understanding and patience, we can support you more to become the best child and eventually the best adult you can be. The challenges we have in raising you are the ones we have happily taken. We will always be happy about you, like the first time we laid our eyes on you.
With much love,
Papa
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I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with different abilities.
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me at genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on autism spectrum disorder./PN
