FALLING in love with unattainable men is the one mistake I keep repeating.
I like making such mistake.
It keeps my romantic spirit alive and throbbing.
At one time in my life, I settled for someone who adored me.
It was also amazing.
I enjoyed my life with a man who worshiped me.
I even learned to love him genuinely.
When he passed on, I started falling in love with unattainable men again.
It isn’t for fun that I fall in love like a train wreck.
I want to be in love.
I want to be defined by love.
I feel I am less a person when I’m not in love.
Loving involves risks.
I get hurt often.
But that’s okay.
I’d rather hurt than feel dead, and unable to love.
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I’m often complimented for many things.
For my talents, my genius, my wit, and (if you can believe it) my crazy fashion sense, and gorgeous good looks.
People call me their idol, and inspiration.
I get that.
Fans like my verve, and passion for living.
But I always glow when friends of my late husband tell me that I gave him a new lease on life when we lived together.
How I made him so happy.
When he was alive, my husband told me he preferred me over his former lovers because he both loved me, and liked me.
I can understand that.
Because some people you love are not really very likable.
Like I love my mom, and my male siblings, but I honestly don’t like them.
You can sugarcoat it, and say I don’t like their habits and gambling vices, but their habits and vices become them.
As for my late husband, I came into his life when he was very depressed (over the death of his mom, and his long-time partner before he met me).
He dealt with his depression by being an alcoholic, drinking a little less than a gallon of wine everyday.
When we got together, he cut down to a bottle a day, maybe five glasses.
But more than that, he actually did many other things with me.
Like attend the theatre, go to the cinemas, go on cruises, and even vacation to Asian countries with me.
He totally enjoyed his life with me.
And he told me so, and he told his friends so.
So that I wasn’t bitter about, or regretful upon, his sudden death.
(I was only angry he didn’t leave me all his money!)
In fact, when he died, I felt I have completed my mission.
I like making people happy, and making them appreciate more of life everyday.
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I still want to see much of the world.
I’ve already done my European dream tour in 2017, and it was awesome.
I can do Europe again, albeit in a slower pace.
I still travel a lot these days visiting friends and family.
But I can do less travels than I currently do.
I feel my life in the last five years have been spent mostly on airports.
I had airport counts reaching a maximum of 47 in both 2017 and 2018.
There is still much of the world to explore, so I really want to go to new countries, and discover new cultures.
But as I am getting older, sometimes, I find total satisfaction in meeting old friends, and just rekindling with people from my youth and childhood.
I’m pretty sure I’m making a perfect balance of traveling for new sights and experiences, and for sentimental reasons. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
