TIME TO HAVE some fun at the expense of the “devotees to the cult of the yellow ribbon”, the trendy social climbers and the so-called “disente crowd.” And the butt (pun intended) of the joke is the “Queen of Xanadu” a.k.a. Maria Ressa, currently the chief executive officer of Rappler, a property development company (officially registered in the SEC as such) pretending to be an online media entity.
Before anyone gets confused or comes to the wrong conclusion, let’s make this clear: we are talking about Maria Ressa, not Maria Ozawa or Maria Sharapova. And also to be clear, Maria Ressa is the complete opposite of the other two Marias, particularly in beauty, body and sex appeal.
Take note: in 2010 Esquire Philippines Magazine placed Maria Ressa in their list of “sexiest woman alive.” No, this was not a cruel joke; they were really serious. Take note also that they placed Mar “Daang Matuwid” Roxas on their front cover at the height of the super typhoon “Yolanda” tragedy which was in poor taste to say the least.
And Esquire Magazine is now out of circulation on the account of poor revenues. In short nobody wants to advertise or buy that magazine.
I cannot for the life of me find anything sexy about Maria Ressa even if you Photoshop her.
When moi first saw Maria Ressa on television I thought it was a 12-year-old boy auditioning for Eat Bulaga.
I never imagined she was a television news reporter, let alone an adult woman. Her squeaky voice that sounded like she was high on helium gas didn’t help her either. I must say this Maria Ressa has absolutely no sex appeal whether as an adult woman or a 12-year-old boy.
Good God! If the sight of Leila “frailties of a woman” de Lima in a bikini was enough to make grown men run away in sheer horror, just imagine seeing Maria Ressa naked.
The image of a naked Maria Ressa will drive most grown men insane and that vision will be forever tattooed in your consciousness, giving one uncontrollable fits of hysterical insanity.
Wait, there’s more. Time Magazine also made her as one of the 2018 Persons of the Year. Is there anything else Maria Ressa has not done?
I’m expecting a cover and full photo spread of her in FHM magazine and a walk on the ramp with the FHM 100 Sexiest Women alongside Kim Domingo, Jennylyn Mercado and Nadine Lustre.
And that’s not enough. Also expect a cameo role in “Crazy Rich Asians” with more screen time and speaking part than Kris Aquino.
Of course, the clincher and top of the list in Maria Ressa’s up and coming achievements will be a lead actress role in one of Pornhub’s “major major” videos specifically for the Filipino audience, the number one viewers of that online porn site.
And the icing to Maria Ressa’s cake (again pun intended) will be a cover, full page feature write up plus full spread inside photos in Cream Magazine, the leading publication that lives off the vanity of social climbers and the nouveau riche.
Unknown to most millennials, trendy social climbers, the “devotees to the cult of the yellow ribbon” and the rest of the gullible idiots, Maria Ressa is also accused of being a tax evader and her company Rappler is charged with violating the Constitution, specifically the provision prohibiting foreign ownership in media entities.
Excerpts from a Nov. 29, 2018 story on GMA News:
Rappler, Maria Ressa face tax evasion raps before CTA
News website Rappler and its CEO Maria Ressa are facing four tax evasion cases before the Court of Tax Appeals.
Rappler allegedly violated sections of the National Internal Revenue Code (NIRC) related to its income tax and value-added tax returns.
Their taxable incomes are computed as follows:
* P162,412,783.67 for incorrect and inaccurate information on income tax return for 2015
* P70,184,204,57 for incorrect and inaccurate information on quarterly value-added tax returns in 2015
* P13,082,687.91 for incorrect and inaccurate information on value-added tax return for the third quarter of 2015
Ressa was separately charged before a Pasig court with violating Section 255 of the NIRC for allegedly failing to report the total quarterly sales receipts coming from the issuance and sale of Philippine Depositary Receipts (PDR) in the second quarter of 2015.
The alleged deficiency in value-added tax reached P294,258.58, according to the official information filed before the local court.
So aside from being the “Sexiest Woman Alive” and one of the “2018 Persons of the Year” we should most probably add “tax evasion” and “violation of the Constitution” as more feathers in Maria Ressa’s cup of achievements. (brotherlouie16@gmail.com/PN)
