BY EDISON MARTE SICAD
IN READING Bloom’s Possessed By Memory, it made me realize that I have now more things to look back into. That I have gotten into a routine already: the world of work—and drudgery. I have experienced the delight, confusion, and irritation brought by generation gaps. To be honest, I have become more judgmental and impatient of others: maybe because I got too preoccupied of my concerns and worries.
And as I meet more people, I also say goodbye (or just fade away) to some. As the decades pile up, the days shorten, time being timed, and bills giving periodic stress, I find myself lost in media res. My circle of friends and sphere of influence are nothing but imaginary lines intersecting with my perceived space of existence. For it has become a reality that my reality is not and never will be other people’s reality. But the stories of the past have a unifying pull: a time machine of mirth often magnified by self-deprecating humor.
Haven’t you noticed? That when we get to meet our old friends, we just keep on repeating talking about the good old days? Our shenanigans and “petty crimes?” Our actions fueled by the recklessness of youth; our adventures driven by the romance of a free spirit?
In midlife, it is no longer about how promising and exciting the preparation has been for our future: possible careers, good reputation, contribution to the family. What we call in school the “anong gusto mo paglaki?” moments.
Midlife is also not just about recalling the good memories of the past which could become nostalgic—and even melancholic—for the realization that those memories can never be repeated.
In midlife, a random question (would then be often repeated) begins to make us look back: Was I able to establish and achieve a life that is worth living—or even comparing—with others?
Jeff Bezos calls it “regret minimization.” Meaning, in reaching old age, we have to see to it that we are not haunted by regrets for not trying: starting a business, changing a career, courting someone, writing a book, going abroad, meeting more people, experiencing more failure, in short: living life to the fullest despite the (imaginary) fears and apprehensions. No What Ifs. More of I have tried and done my best.
In midlife, the so-called cycle of life has become more apparent and mysterious. We have attended numerous weddings, baptisms, birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, and everything in between that life and the living of it, makes us ponder and may give us the chills. For despite the many experiences we now have, more dilemmas appear, and we get to envy and relate more with the wisdom of the old.
Here are some Midlife Moments that, fortunately, made me hopeful and optimistic of the days ahead:
1. Let’s call a spade a spade. Do not sugarcoat for the sake of comforting yourself in denying the reality of the situation. Especially when it comes to work-related scenarios, say it as it is. Be your own worst critic. Be harsh to yourself. As one author said, “Love doesn’t get the job done.” If it does, then there is no need for all the BS motivation and mental health talks. In short, no more euphemisms.
Be tough on yourself and never wallow in self-pity. Such drama (often broadcasted in social media platforms) will only bury you alive. Stop whining like a baby. You are not a baby anymore.
2. We all need money. And most of us, if not all, only work for the money and not for the MVG of the institution. So be it. But then, be the best money-making person and share your blessing to others. My friend would call it “Happy Money”. When he has made a deal, he would give a treat. But then again, this is a skill you have to learn by doing.
3. Craving for attention is an addiction to the point that we are willing to fake everything just to gain more clicks. Be careful of social media prominence. Things of high value are kept secret or private. Not for media consumption. We are attempting to quantify things that are non-quantifiable: the worth of a person, the creativity of an output, the authenticity of an achievement, the tragedy of a failure, the living of a fulfilled life.
IN CONCLUSION, as we make—or erase—our mark in this world, some people will (unconsciously) expect us to stay the same; and we sometimes use such expectations as an excuse for not changing for the better. In contrast, when we have decided to change, some people will resent it for we are no longer “useful” to them. In fact, they would sometimes demand an explanation. Pathetic./PN
