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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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My Haw-as de Dumangas
I’M A PROUD Dumangueño. I’m proud of my town; but most of all, I’m proud of my people.
I think that Dumangueños are among the most beautiful and smartest people in the Philippines, if not in the whole wide world. I’m sure some Dumangueños are kind, honest, and funny; but most of us are really beautiful and smart, and by smart I also mean talented and creative. I mean, I can speak from my own experience…and from my own example. Haha!
But what most people don’t know is that this week, starting Wednesday, Oct. 26, we will have our Haw-as sa Dumangas Festival. It will run a few days until Tuesday, Nov. 1, I suspect; but don’t take my word for it. I’m not privy to the details and the schedules of the festival. If you still don’t know it, don’t look at me. I’m not running the festival, I’m not personally involved in the festival, I’m not briefed on the festival, I’m not even invited to the festival!
But I don’t need an invitation. You don’t need an invitation to enjoy with Dumangueños. It’s a weeklong festival, and if the other festivals in the country, and past Haw-as festivals are any indication, it will just be another Oktoberfest. A little street food, a band on stage, and lots of beer whose brand I will not promote here. Sure, they may throw in a beauty pageant in search of a festival queen, but it will be a copycat of all the other beauty searches in the country.
I mean, I was asked earlier to sit on a panel to screen the candidates (so yeah, I was very, very, very, very slightly involved), but there were only five that I screened and passed; and now they have eleven candidates, I heard. That’s six added candidates I have no say about, so don’t blame me if it turns out to be a comedy show. Haha! Good Lord, of what value was that screening anyway?
But come to Dumangas anyway. And celebrate with our people because our people are, actually, our most beautiful attraction. Forget about the bangus and talaba; forget about the alimango and bangus-flavored barquillos. (Hello, if God wanted barquillos to taste like bangus, God would not have given me a sweet tooth!) The real fun in Dumangas are the smart and beautiful people, who, more often than not, happen to be funny, kind, and honest.
Just look at our handsome mayor, Hon. Ronaldo ‘Onal’ Golez. He was an erstwhile showbiz personality, and still sings publicly. Vice Mayor Ian Dolutan is just as debonair; and the municipal council has the former fiesta queen, SB Jasmin Golez-Ocampo, and the brainy SB Rose Marie Duremdes-Doromal; along with the pretty boys SB Guisseppe Karl Gumban, SB Wilhelm Divinagracia Jr., and the charming SBs Roger Diasnes, Almar Marfito, Ian Joel Dolendo, Dr. George Acepcion, and Liga President Geovanie Lachica. I mean, I did not vote for all these people (I only voted five SB out of eight), but I’m mighty proud of these lot who actually have some understanding of the arts and literature, and awarded me (so I heard, but I haven’t received it yet) another resolution for yet another Palanca gold medal win this year. They also have pledged a donation/contribution in the making of my latest film, Ikapito nga Adlaw, which, in a way, is Dumangas’ entry to a filmfest competition the name of which I will reveal once we are officially accepted.
Anyway, back to Haw-as this week. I mentioned beer, band and street food as the nightly staple. Well, there’s some streetdancing and choreographed group performances, too, if you are into that. I’m pretty sure there’s something like that happening on Wednesday, the 26th, but if everything else fails, come to my place, the PRIMA CiTy Building in the heart of the town, right across the municipal hall, and beside the red brick and while coral stone Roman Catholic church. I’ll serve beer and some spicy adobo for a price, and you can party disco club type, since we are right behind the bandstand. If it rains, we can move our party to my tiled roof deck, the third floor, and make it really wet and wild. And I mean, wet and wild, clothing optional. Haha! FYI, I also have a small dipping pool in my penthouse, but I don’t think you can afford it. Still, you can prove me wrong, and just slap me with your wads of money.
Back to my second floor verandah party. Trust me, if it’s just two or three out-of-town guests, I may be able to afford to feed and booze you for free, but where’s the fun in four people enjoying the Haw-as de Dumangas Oktoberfest? I seriously want no more than 25 patrons and guests. No, money will not be the main consideration for my party. I will probably refuse serving you a 9th bottle, anyway. You can show off your moolah, and drink your ass to death in the kiosks by the bandstands, with the common crowd.
I want a party of beautiful people, smart enough to flirt, and daring enough to turn wet and wild when the situation demands it. I want my girls sexy, and my boys young and hung. I want them dancing, and twerking, and cheerful, and some kind of vibrant and wild. I mean, if you want to drink off your depression, stay away from my party! I think I will also exercise my right to refuse admission to people who can’t twerk, or who can’t beso-beso in style. Let me remind you again, there are 15 or so beer drinking kiosks below my palatial building if you want to do the old carabet-style of partying.
Here’s my kind of party: two kinds of beer to choose from, some kind of chicken (spicy adobo on some nights, maybe fried chicken on some), bar stools and small tables, a bamboo bed (for bed-ins), slightly muted music of the bands (we are behind the bandstand!) so you can talk and flirt, a clean toilet, added security (limited access, we are on the second floor), space from the crowd (who will be mostly looking up at us like we are the privileged few), and a set of beautiful party people (patrons/guests will be screened). I’m not sure if I can get go-go dancers on short notice, but there will be dancing on that deck, and I will definitely go-go dance if I have to.
Now, I think admission will start at P250, consumable. If you don’t have the money, but are cute and daring, see me. I might need topless waiters, and pretty dancers.
If you don’t have great plans this week, visit Dumangas. We got traditional fun like catching milkfish in a pond, we got street dancing, we got beauty pageants, and we got 21st century partying Peter Solis Nery-of-the-world style. Oh, if you need accommodation, contact me early: 09150937100. We got hotels, inns, and lodging places in Dumangas, and we have the House of Pleasure, errr… I mean, the House of Peter./PN
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