MY LIFE AS ART

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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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I AM NOT a war freak. In fact, because I was not a palengkera gay, I was pretty much bullied when I was growing up. Until very late, I was a true believer of that Christian doctrine of offering the other cheek. And then, I became Peter Solis Nery…THE Peter Solis Nery.

When one becomes a celebrity of sorts, and uses such celebrity to affect other people’s lives positively, one cannot let oneself be trampled upon by evil haters and detractors. So it is pretty obvious why I do not take things sitting down nowadays. When scratched, I do not get angry. I get even. Well, I actually get even more. Or, I do not just get even, I get evil. Bwahaha.

But people do not learn, so I repeat myself like the lines in my last movie. On Nov. 4, I published a piece on Code Name: Ugly Charms who threatened to report me to my editors and publishers, as if my editors and publishers do not read my work; as if my editors and publishers can do something about what I do in my public life.

It was not the threat that prompted me to write the article (I am not afraid of threats), but the gall of this deranged woman to post something about me on social media. She bragged, “There, I posted something so the public will know how you treat me!” Since she was on the loose and I do not know her, I used my influence and column to my advantage. Why else would I write for a widely circulated newspaper if I cannot use it in times of great need? I have to defend my honor, and people need to know one does not mess up with THE Peter Solis Nery.

In that article, I made myself clear: You do not blackmail, threaten, bash, or insult THE Peter Solis Nery. Especially if you are not a Peter Solis Nery.

In my column last Friday, I narrated how a Belgian/German guy called my controversial movie crap on Facebook, and promptly blocked me so I could not even reply to his derogatory comment. Well, I am not to be bashed by Europeans, or Filipinos, or any other idiots in the world. You criticize me, stand up and get ready, because I will get even. And I can get very evil.

And there’s the case of two faggot Humanities teachers who said trashy things about my movie on Facebook. To be clear, I did not write about them because of what they said about my salacious movie. I wrote the piece because they are faggot Humanities teachers who are behaving badly on social media.

Let me make this easy: You choked on a crooked hotdog served by the topless waiter. You swallow; and then, you talk to the manager. You do not scream inside the restaurant. That would be irresponsible. If you are a teacher, you really don’t want your students to see their faggoty teacher screaming falsettos like a deranged bitch.

Transpose: You watched a movie you don’t like. (Why you stayed, I cannot understand!) You call your friends and warn them not to watch the movie, that’s fine. But you don’t go to social media and announce your bad taste as if yours is the only opinion that matters. Who do you think you are… Peter Solis Nery? Well, Peter Solis Nery, the country mouse has better manners!
I still go to mass occasionally. I participate in the liturgy of the Word and the liturgy of the Eucharist. And then, after receiving communion, I sometimes quietly leave because I hate long announcements and second collections. I mean, if I give a big church donation in the first round of collections, I meant that to take care of everything the church needs. I give all of my widower’s two cents all the time. I am not a corrupt politician, or some showoff supposedly rich person who gives less than 1% of my income. Damn! I give away millions, even if I no longer have an income.

So, to get back at the responsible use of social media, Think before you post. It should be that easy, unless you don’t have a brain. My pet peeves about posts include those with faulty grammar. If you cannot spend time to check your grammar and spelling, what’s your business posting? And maybe you should post in a language that you have some degree of mastery?
You think writing a column is easy for me? No, it’s not. I read my work at least five times before sending it off to my editor. Well, actually, it is easy for me. Somebody or something provokes me, I think about it, then I write from beginning to end. It’s the editing that’s hard for me. I sometimes like my bitchiness because I have glorious, priceless insults to give because I seldom award them. But you see, I am Peter Solis Nery, and as such, I am inclined to edit myself harshly. I can be flippant, I can be egotistical in my piece, but I cannot be cruel. I cannot be irresponsible.

My rule in writing: I should not write to hurt people. It’s my prayer, too. The moment I use my proficiency with words just for the plain wickedness of destroying other people’s lives, may the power and talent leave me. But if it is to defend myself and others, and to teach lessons on how to deal with wicked people, then let the barbs grow within me, and let my light shine forth in glory.

In social media, my rule is: Do not write and post something you will have to take down – by yourself, or upon the demand of others. Do not write or post something your momma or your children would not be proud to read.

And didn’t your elders tell you, “If you cannot say something good, keep your trap shut! You are not the only opinion in the world. You are not THE Peter Solis Nery.”

There, thank you, elders, for recognizing my genius. This one is for all those who are, have been, and hopefully won’t be, bashed and bullied in social media./PN
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