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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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The go-getter
I’M NOT desperate to find a boyfriend. I’m just a go-getter. If I like something, I don’t wait for it to come to me; I do something about it. Nasa Dios ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.
Sure, I may appear aggressive, but I’m really just goal-oriented and purposive in all things including love. Online technology, Facebook particularly, has connected people dramatically, why not apply it to the search for a boyfriend? With safety checks in place, what’s the worst that could happen?
Thus began my 30-day personal journey last year in a quest for love in the age of Facebook. Because I realized that life is short, and being with someone is a gift. The journey was documented in a blog on Facebook called The September Project. Here’s some of what I wrote and realized:
I can’t say I don’t like nice abs, especially if they rest below some brains. But I can’t live on abs alone. Haven’t you noticed? One can probably develop and tone his/her abs in months, but it takes years to improve the brain. Nice body, stimulating mind, and big…heart. And the greatest of them is…
Dear Future Boyfriend and Lover,
I’m really the black and white Hollywood movie kind of guy, although I must admit that “Gone with the Wind” is one of my favorites along with the movies of Audrey Hepburn. If you, at least, know Audrey, we should definitely start dating. If you adore her, we should immediately get married. But know, dear Future Boyfriend and Lover, that I will watch horror movies and summer action blockbusters with you. I will even hold your popcorn (among many other things) if you let me.
I’m not totally against getting physical on first meeting. Some relationships develop from a deep, sudden physical attraction. I should know. Been there, done that. I maybe a romantic, but I think Americans got it right by hooking up first, then dating, then falling in love. What’s so great about saying “I love you” first, only to realize that you are not even sexually compatible? Listen to the lyrics of the song “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”, and learn.
Just because I see so many promises are broken doesn’t mean that I no longer believe in promises. A promise is a beautiful thing like faith, hope and charity. Because the world needs symbols and proofs of love, I always make good on my promises. That’s why I cannot promise big. Choose: For me to promise to love you just for a day and love you forever, or me promising you forever and only loving you for just a day? I can promise to love you for a week and deliver it just like that, but I like the idea of saying less and doing more. Of promising just my lips in a kiss, but actually giving you all of my tongue, too.
Dear Potential Boyfriend,
I will not ask you what you can do for me. (I am not a country!) Instead, I will just tell you the five things that I am willing to do for you:
1. I will wait for you with patience, even if patience is not my natural virtue.
2. I will risk being called names for trying to find you in the only ways I can. I will risk looking like a fool and mad love crazy. I’m sure you will be worth it.
3. I will find you.
4. I will adjust my standards if you aren’t as cute as Ashton Kutcher, or as smart as Einstein. I don’t want Ashton, I don’t want Einstein, I only want you.
But, 5. If you aren’t willing to be found, I will let you go because if you don’t want your happiness with me, I want you to find it somewhere else. That’s just the way I love.
If you want to know what happened to this social experiment, or if you just want to ride along this journey of finding (gay) love (at 46), continue reading my column this Wednesday. Otherwise, take a day off.
Here’s the thing: There is something beautiful in the unfolding of someone’s life in public. Sometimes, it inspires us; sometimes, it makes us feel better we are not as miserable, or as desperate for a boyfriend, as the others./PN
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