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[av_heading heading=’MY LIFE AS ART | Peace according to Peter, Part 2 ‘ tag=’h3′ style=’blockquote modern-quote’ size=” subheading_active=’subheading_below’ subheading_size=’15’ padding=’10’ color=” custom_font=”]
BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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Monday, May 15, 2017
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MY RULE of thumb to a peaceful existence is simple: Detox yourself of people who are dragging you down. Even if she is your mother. Even if he is your husband. Even if she is your friend of 40 years.
Just stay away from them. If you are meant to be, you will forgive each other before you die.
***
Since my family will not disown me, I disown them. How does that happen? How did?
Well, when I realized I cannot possibly win the Most Outstanding Son or Most Outstanding Brother Award, I decided to let go of my parents and my siblings.
Instead, I dedicated my life to my nephews and nieces.
So yeah, when I finally die, my nephews and nieces will benefit from my estate. Neither my brothers and sisters, nor my mom, if I predecease her.
Here’s the thing. I have nothing against family. But I choose to choose my family.
I would rather have a family of friends, people who accept me for who I am, than a family of blood relatives, who judge me everytime. Not only as a gay man. But worse, for the person that I was 20, or even 40, years ago.
***
So, my mother says, “You are just my son! Remember where you came from.”
I reply, “No, I am more than your son! I am ‘the’ Peter Solis Nery. If you cannot accept what powerful and smart person I have become, I have no need for you in my life. Thanks for the past, but I didn’t have a choice on that one. Move on!”
My brothers are ignorant homophobes so I let them go. And let them f*ck up their lives.
My sisters, well, they are smarter and more loving people. They still call me “faggot”, but in a really more endearing way.
***
My sisters and sisters-in-law, just like my gay friends, talk to me about their problems. They seek out my advice and opinion. Not all the time. But often enough to matter to me.
I don’t mind giving them money. If they need it. But often, I have loan conditions. Like, they can’t use my money for frivolous things, or to pay for their own vacations.
What about to pay half of their family’s vacation? Well, in cases like that, I reconsider.
If they show some effort to pay some of their way, I’m not the one to block a family vacation. I love for them to have a better family than the one I grew up with.
Look, I won’t pay for my sisters’ vacation. But I’m open to paying my nieces’ or nephews’ way.
I can be generous with my sisters. Because they are not just my sisters. More importantly for me, they are my best friends.
***
My brothers’ macho pride will probably kill them. They don’t want anything to do with me. Well, I don’t want to do anything with them either. The feeling, I can assure you, is totally mutual!
Frankly, I will be very happy if my brothers don’t ever talk to me again. That would be a total bliss. The ultimate peace.
Because, guess what, if my brothers ever talk to me, you can bet your sweet ass it will be about their problems. And they would probably just want some of my money. Or my forgiveness.
Because, seriously, I don’t think my brothers will even tell me if they hit the lottery. I’ve seen it happen before. And who needs brothers like those?
***
So, here’s my selfish way to peace: I am happy with myself. I have a strong faith in God who loves me, no matter what. I do acts of charity and help make a better planet when I can.
I stay away from people who drag me down, or dump me all their crap. I do not tolerate people who cannot tolerate me, even if they are family.
I am not tied to any tradition that does not let me grow and become a better version of myself. I do not believe that just because things or people are older and more senior, or more established, they are preferable.
I believe that things change. Morals and mores change. Cultures and peoples change. I think that we should be open and respectful for such changes.
***
I believe that acceptance is the way to peace. I must accept myself for what, and who, I am.
I must accept my enemies and critics for who they are. I may not be in total harmony with them, but I can look at them from a distance without war and violence in my heart.
Ideally, I should honor my parents and elders. Ideally, they should conduct themselves to be respectable. If my elders cannot earn my respect, it is not ideal. So, it is also not ideal for me to honor them.
Ideally, I should love my family. Ideally, my family should support me and help me reach my higher potentials. If my family fails to support me, or accept me for who I am and what I have become, it is not ideal. So, it is also not ideal for me to love them. As far as I am concerned.
***
Here’s more about my idea of peace: I do not need to convert people. I do not need to stress myself over the mess that people want to be in.
What’s the problem of most poor people? Well, some poor people are really poor that even if they apply themselves, there’s just no way to save them. I’ll just let them be. If they die, they die. Simple as that.
Most poor people, however, will not die of hunger. They just go around saying they are “poor”. And they expect dole outs. F*ck that!
***
Some poor people want education. Ambitious bastards! If you are so poor, you don’t need an education. You need a job! Manual labor. Like planting camote!
Education is overrated. You need it only if you want to get up the social ladder. But it’s not even the only way up. Some prostitutes and liars, like most politicians, go up the social ladder.
And why the hell would you want to climb the social ladder? Can you imagine everybody moving up the ladder, and no one left below to support it?
Hello, we need some poor people down here at the base of the social pyramid!
***
If you are poor, I say, do not climb the social ladder. Live simply. Work with your hands.
Four years of planting camote is better than four years of expensive college education. Which, given the palakasan and padrino system in the Philippines, can be a real waste of time and resources.
A bachelor’s degree cannot guarantee you employment. That much I will say.
Some people will get lucky and move up. Don’t stress yourself. Resign yourself that it wouldn’t be you. But if it happens to be you, be grateful.
***
I’ve gone around for a while now. This is what I learned: Many of the most peaceful people I’ve seen are those who are happy with what they have.
On the other hand, many of the most stressed and restless, those without peace, are those who keep on chasing materialistic dreams. Those who are trying to keep up with the Santoses.
Ask the poor people, “What makes you think you are poor?”
Listen, it’s not that they cannot eat. It’s because they cannot eat McDonald’s or Jollibee.
Well, I’m rich. And I eat camote! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
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