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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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Monday, June 5, 2017
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I AM NOT completely impervious to other people’s opinion and judgment of me. So, very occasionally, in very short bursts, certain kinds of insecurity creep up to me.
The other day, for example, while having my morning coffee, I asked myself, “What am I doing with my life? Am I not wasting my talents being retired in the US? Being retired at 45 (and now 48)?”
Thank God, coffee has a laxative effect on me! In 15 minutes or so, I had to go. So I didn’t have to dwell on the question for too long.
But I’m a truth seeker. A problem solver. Once a question has been posed, I tend not to stop until I find the answers.
I do not stop until I get things done. I think that’s the reason why I have achieved a lot in my lifetime. Or, in a word, successful.
***
I’m only 48. I mean, I’m not even 50 yet. And yet, I feel so old, in an “accomplished” sense of the word.
I truly feel I have achieved so much in my barely 50 years on the planet. And if my friends are to be believed, what I have done feels like an achievement of several lifetimes.
I was a bum for a while after college. Something like eight years of zero financial gains. Real hand-to-mouth existence.
And yet, I have successfully turned my life around.
Not only can I claim that I bummed out in my twenties; but now, I can even give my life as a testimony to life’s many possibilities.
When I talk about bidding your time, and finding your center before working your ass to death, people know that I know what I’m talking about.
To be a bum for a while, and not to stay a bum forever. Now, that is a real achievement.
***
I did a few years in the seminary. And the religious foreign missions. Macau, Hong Kong, South China.
I didn’t become a priest. And somehow, I’m still a little haunted by that.
I knew I would have been a great priest. Or, at least, a good one.
Some coffee mornings, I still imagine what could have been. But thank God, coffee has a fast laxative effect on me. I don’t have to dwell on those things.
I have no regrets going to the seminary. Or not becoming a priest.
My seminary and mission years are among my most cherished. They felt like bumming around, too. But with a spiritual twist.
Did Jesus Christ work so hard for the money in his twenties? Was he a success as a carpenter? Or, did he just bum around like me, too?
***
I would say that I was pretty radicalized at the University of the Philippines, when I took my first bachelor’s degree.
And I must admit that I joined the seminary for a rather “political reason.” I mean, I felt that I could better serve the poor, and the lowest of the low, if I were a priest, or something in the church.
But during my first year in the seminary, during my spirituality year, the year for psycho-spiritual integration, I felt my intentions were purified.
***
I learned the Bible with such scholarship, and I was in touch with mysticism. And I was such a good seminarian, too!
If you are feeling self-righteous, I know it’s hard for you to believe that I have a great faith in God. I mean, because I am pretty intelligent and intellectual, and I can smartly stand up against some of your dogma, philosophical or theological.
Excuse me, faith is not the monopoly of ignorant, brainless, and one track-minded people like the religious fanatics. Great thinkers, like me, can have great faith, too.
And I do have great faith. And I really understand that God is Love. God is Justice. God is Mercy. But above all, God is Love.
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And this, I know; this, I’m very sure: God loves me.
Three words: God, loves, me. No ifs, and no buts.
I may not have been ordained as a priest, but I seriously take my calling for the priestly, kingly, and prophetic functions as altus Christus. Other Christ.
I am neither fearful, nor shy, to claim that I am another Christ. I know fully well what the job entails. If you know your religion so well, you would know I’m not blaspheming. Or being arrogant.
In fact, if you know your religion so well, you should also be altus Christus. You should behave and act like another Christ!
***
Are we children of God, or not? Are we brothers and sisters of Jesus, the Christ, or not?
If we are children of God, and brothers and sisters of Jesus, why shouldn’t we become Christ like Jesus? Why shouldn’t we try to be perfect also?
Am I perfect? Let’s just say I am not accountable to you, but only to God.
Yep, God and I are good, okay, great, perfect. Three words: God, loves, me. I hold on to those words, and I try to love God as perfectly as I can.
If I fall short, God’s love will perfect my efforts. If God can’t make perfect my clumsy efforts, that’s not my God. Because my God is all powerful. And God loves me so much.
***
I had a short career as a school teacher, too. I taught English, and Biology, in Macau.
I taught English, and Christian Living Education, at Santa Maria Catholic School (your Ateneo de Iloilo now).
I taught Philosophy in college at the University of the Philippines in the Visayas.
I was an excellent teacher, if I may say so myself. I love teaching.
I still teach. Sort of. Just short courses in writing. Seminar workshops.
I like being with school kids. I like being a mentor.
I like teaching possibilities. Teaching people to think out of the box. Try new things. Explore. Make mistakes, and learn from them. Bum to success, remember?
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I’m booksmart myself. But I realize students have various learning capabilities, and different learning modes. Various strengths and weaknesses. I believe in differing gifts.
I don’t believe in students’ stupidity. I believe in their laziness to learn.
Thus, my goal, as a teacher, is to awaken the desire to learn. Make things interesting. Shake the students out of their laziness.
What I miss most about my teaching years is seeing the faces of my students brighten up when they get the idea of what I’m taking about. Understand a concept. Make things work.
I miss most teaching high school students. Their angst-laden faces, their inattention, their restlessness. And then, after all my jokes and antics, maybe five or ten minutes into the lesson, they become all so attentive, and all ears to what I’m saying.
And then, the A-ha! moment that I see on their faces. Priceless!
***
This article continues as “The Lowbrow Columnist” on Monday, June 12. (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
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