On sunrises and hopelessness

BY EDISON MARTE SICAD

ALLOW to share with you, dear readers, this article written by Atty. Edward Dominic Emilio. May his words rekindle that hope in your heart in finding meaning in your life.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

In the grand scheme of things, it is but a natural scientific occurrence that happens every 24 hours. There are countless other stars in the universe and infinitely many rocky objects orbiting these stars. Our own sun will burst into flames and leave behind a cold, unending darkness – a black hole sucking everything into where the void awaits.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

You look at the world over which the sun rises, and you will see that it has changed. It is no longer that bright, funny place you swore was home. You look at friendships forged in the past and you accept that the reconciliation you so desperately seek is now impossible. Perhaps the solar flares from that miserable star got dangerously close and burned so many bridges you never meant to destroy. You see Icarus flying over Cretan waters, think your hubris and stupidity the same as his. Everybody else thinks you deserve to go through all this pain anyway. After all, it was your fault.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

Everything under the sun is replaceable. The metaphor is apparent in sunrises too. Why look at a particular one when another will come again tomorrow? What is so hopeful about transience and impermanence? “But this one is particularly beautiful,” you tell yourself. Yet, even then, it can be replaced. You can be replaced. But maybe that’s where the hope is. Our God is a God of “again and again”. Sunrises too are of “again and again”; they teach you about “again and again”.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

“How lucky is the sun for being non-sentient,” you tell yourself. “Its ‘again and again’ does not cause pain.” What’s so hopeful about that? You contrast it with yourself, whose “again and again” takes tears, courage, and determination beyond measure just to contemplate the worth of the pain and fight again all the same. You pat yourself on the back because unlike the sun whose implosion is an inevitability, you did not implode before the weight of combined misfortunes, trauma, fear, and guilt that all arose because of your own fault. At least not yet. You try to be a better human being “again and again”. You look at the stupid, sinful, and irresponsible kid you were back then and tell him he should have known better.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

You wait for the afternoon sunset – when the azure in the heavens transforms into a blaze of red orange. You sit on a bench overlooking a river and remember the one you want to remember. You recall the memories, the dreams, and the fleeting moments now long gone. You sit with them, maybe plug in some earphones, and enjoy the view. You marvel at the sunset and tell yourself endings can be beautiful too.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

You come to your senses and put your hopes of a painless tomorrow in yourself and the people who care for you. You stop holding on to the inspiration from some lonely star in the middle of a vast and empty space. You go on through your day and do whatever you wanted to do anyway. You accept the reality of life and the consequences of your immaturity. You move on in peace and hold on to the hope of forgiveness that may or may not come.

What happens when the sunrise no longer gives you hope?

You look in the mirror and turn the person you see into a source of hope. You cling to the love that remains in your heart. You make beauty out of all the ugliness and depression in your brain, you rip your veins open, you collect the ink that spills, and you turn your pain into prose.

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Edward Dominic E. Emilio graduated law from the University of San Carlos in Cebu and is now connected to a law firm. He believes in the magic of painful memories and the beauty of creative non-fiction. He is a flawed man trying to do better day by day./PN