(This is the concluding part of a suite of four on Peter Solis Nery’s Baby Project, wherein PSN contemplates on the possibility of becoming a father at age 50. Previously, PSN discussed his 40-year resistance to fatherhood. His fatherhood ideals, and his limits of sacrifice to have this baby. The financial cost of surrogacy, the risk of having a less-than-perfect child, and what love should be given to any child. Will the overly smart PSN find a willing woman to give him Peter Solis Nery, Jr.? If this is just a social experiment, what is the real take away?)
THE IDEA OF PETER SOLIS NERY, JR.
In 2000, when I was a cocky 31-year old, a fanatical stalker offered to pay me P25,000 to get her pregnant.
And this was in the year where I got paid only P500 per week.
This was the stalker who sent me roses during the anthrax scare in the US.
The same girl who would send native chicken tinola over to me at our home radio station in Dumangas where I was known as DJ Angel Love.
*
Of course, this girl/woman is now menopaused.
She’s also probably richer because her cacao business in Davao, or somewhere in Mindanao, is booming.
I don’t know why I’m bringing her up in this story.
I mean, she won’t work as my baby maker.
She didn’t want to give me a baby.
She wanted me to give her a baby!
*
Which brings me to the question—
What if a girl/woman would agree to give me a baby on the condition that I give her another baby for her to keep?
My instinct is to say No!
That sounds so much like a marriage.
And I don’t want any more stories of twins separated at birth!
*
Still, I’m thinking, Only a smart and independent woman, not a girl, would think about such a deal.
I would think that the woman would be financially stable enough to even demand that.
I mean, she must be thinking of raising my other child without support from me.
Because I have no intention of supporting another child!
*
Okay, let me rephrase that.
I don’t mind raising twins or triplets (or other variations of multiple births), if that’s what God wants me to have.
But I don’t want to share them with the woman who is their mother.
Let me say it brutally: I just want to use a woman/girl to give me (a) child/ren.
Paint me evil, and say I want to exploit a woman/girl’s childbearing capacity.
*
So, you see now why I’d rather not have children?
It’s just too complicated.
And I’m not an evil person.
I don’t want to use, or exploit, anybody, man or woman. Period.
And yet, and yet, to be open to possibilities, I need to appeal for a willing “victim”.
I want a woman who would volunteer to bear my child, and be generous to sacrifice her maternal rights as soon as the child is delivered.
*
I know this sounds impossible.
But I also say, What can be imagined, can be made possible.
I say further, if it is to be, it will be.
I also believe in kindred spirits.
In soulmates.
In people who think in the same wavelengths that I do.
And this is an appeal to them.
Maybe some smart, progressive thinking woman will volunteer.
*
I guess I’m just getting tired of hearing all these well-meaning people saying that I should have a child.
That I should pass on my good genes.
That I should think about our ancestral lines.
That I should propagate the Nery name.
That there should be a Peter Solis Nery, Jr.
And those misguided few who prod me so that someone will take care of me when I’m much older.
I guess I just want to shut them up and say, I tried.
I really tried.
*
Of course, I am not the type of person who would do things because of societal pressure.
I am not doing this for other people.
I am not doing this because other people say so.
I don’t know how else to say this, but I am doing this to give Life a 50-50 chance.
To let God, or the forces of the universe, or whatever you call it, do to me according to their will.
*
I’m a stubborn person.
For 49 years (okay, let’s say 40 years), I resisted the idea of being a father.
I’ll probably say No to the idea of fatherhood after I’m 51.
But for one year, my 50th on the planet, can I just be open to the idea of fatherhood?
Can I entertain the possibility of me having my own biological child, however complicated it is going to be?
And that, my friends, is what “living the life” means to me.
*
Real living is more than just our humdrum existence on the planet.
It means saying Yes to every chance and opportunity.
It means doing something to change things in your favor.
It also means being open to failed, or successful, outcome.
I did not become the great Peter Solis Nery because I got everything I wanted. (Although, that is possibly largely true!)
But because I tried everything at least once.
*
I have eaten worms, insects, snakes.
And I’m not sure if I haven’t really been fed human flesh during my travels.
I fell in a septic tank once. (Okay, more like a dirty ditch that smelled like a septic tank.)
I had indiscriminate sex with men, and women; and drunken sex with animals. (Get over it!)
I been skydiving, riding dolphins, and doing other crazy stuff you can’t even imagine.
And now, I’m ready to be a father! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
