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BY HERBERT VEGO
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Thursday, January 26, 2017
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WHENEVER young people ask me to be a wedding ninong, I would refuse until I am convinced that they are “ripe” for marriage. I tell them not to follow me, but rather to learn a lesson from me. That lesson comes from a retelling of my love story.
To cut the long story short, I was only 22 years old and in my second year as a journalist in Manila when I brought home a student wife. Unfortunately, that drove me in reverse gear: I had to withdraw what little money I had saved for my future to keep my wife and baby boy fed, clothed and sheltered. She had to quit school.
Her being jobless forced us to spend more than I was earning. It became necessary for us to do what the couples in China were doing – limit the family to only one child. That shaky marital union endured 11 years before ending in separation.
Logic dictates that an underemployed worker should abhor marriage; he has not yet laid the foundation for a stable future. Our young people who go through this mistake realize that haste leads to the three “rings” – from engagement ring to wedding ring to “suffering.” So I always advice my nephews and nieces to beat a different path.
Of course, post-teenage marriage is not wrong when viewed against its moral perspective. It is a “given” that the sexual urge of a normal man is strongest in his 20s. Because of our puritan upbringing prohibiting premarital sex, the young lovers must marry, lest they “sin.”
Speaking from experience, I now know that premature marriage is more “sinful” than premarital sex. Early marriage exerts so much financial pressure that the once rosy plans for the future simply wither. The birth of the first baby alone could prevent the young father from pursuing a post-graduate college degree and force him to prematurely join the rat race.
No wonder there are now used-to-be-good guys who get enmeshed in risky illegal drug dealing. They justify the act as “the only way” to send their own children to school. And so the vicious cycle goes on and on from one generation to the next.
The so-called “sanctity” of marriage should be de-emphasized. While marriage itself is socially desirable, it should not be advertised as the only acceptable path to sex. The myopic moral argument should be stretched long-range.
As an institution that benefits from its flock’s early marriages, the Church – which naturally earns fees from the newly-wed couples and donations from wedding sponsors – has the moral responsibility to counsel couples-to-be about responsible parenthood. Unfortunately, the Church has not been successful in this aspect. It has not shown alarm over our overpopulation problem. More than 100 million Filipinos congest our small country.
Thus we see no reason why the church opposes early sex education. In today’s permissive society, it’s a must for every young woman to learn basic family planning. Far worse than premarital sex is premarital pregnancy which could lead to premature marriage, hence perpetuating the poverty problem.
A piece of paper called “marriage contract” has never been a guaranteed passport to a wedded bliss. Everybody knows people who fall in love, only to fall out when already married. I am one of them.
However, there is really no use crying over spilt milk. I count my blessings, one of them being my only son Norbert, who has opted to remain single in Syracuse, New York.
Yes, it’s overkill at his age, now 43, but if it’s his formula to live happily ever after, so be it. Cheers!/PN
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