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BY GORDON GUILLERGAN
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Just do it
“The difference between you and I is that I chose a horrifying life because I lack fear. You chose an easy life because you lack courage.”
MANY who are often watching Hollywood inside reports would always hear the term co-parenting in common Hollywood divorce dramas. In the Philippines it is general termed “child custody.” When does child custody set in and does it require a court proceeding?
The general rule is that a child under seven years of age shall not be separated from his mother, based on what our law perceives as the basic need of a child – his mother’s loving care.
Article 213 of the Family Code provides that “[n]o child under seven years of age shall be separated from the mother, unless the court finds compelling reasons to order otherwise.” Court decisions held this in cases of illegitimate children, as the law expressly provides that illegitimate children shall be under the parental authority of their mother.
However, this rule is not absolute. A mother may be deprived of the custody of her child below seven years of age for “compelling reasons” such as neglect, abandonment, unemployment and immorality, habitual drunkenness, drug addiction, maltreatment of the child, insanity, and affliction with a communicable illness.
Negligent and careless failure to perform the duties of parenthood is a significant element of abandonment, regardless of actual intention. A strong basis for a finding of the parent’s abandonment of his or her child is found in the case where the parent has left the child permanently or indefinitely in the care of others, given it to another, or surrendered it entirely.
This so-called co-parenting is not a new technique or technology; it is a long-time practice which some separated parents have been observing but just given a popular name.
Authors of Helpguide.Org explained that joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome any built-up resentment. Making shared decisions, interacting with each another at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget can seem like impossible tasks. But while it’s true that co-parenting isn’t an easy solution, it is the best way to ensure your children’s needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents.
It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one — one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own.
Separation, annulment or divorce is gruesome in enough for parents; imagine just how hard it may be for the children.
The mere thought of doing court appearances, endless arguments as to settlement of properties and the money you pay for the process and lawyers are already exhausting.
Yes, the law ideally protects marriage as an inviolable social institution but the pressure of maintaining a marriage, and if it fails, the procedure you go through to get out of it, is so burdensome. So it is important to think, think and think before getting married.
A friend told me that no one is ever ready for marriage until one is in the marriage. It is the fear of going into it that leaves people stuck in the lonely void of being alone. Its either you jump across or stay across the line vicariously living through the lives of those who are. He said there is this fulfillment of being married, a certain joy and agony which one cannot seem to explain until one goes into it.
Not all marriages end, not all parents resort to a custody battle or co-parenting move; some actually stay happily married and are co-parenting married individuals.
Marriage is the doorway to family life. You wouldn’t marry if you don’t foresee having a family.
But remember: God puts us in certain situations because He knows we can deal with it. Juts have faith./PN
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