RAMBLINGS OF THE UNMARRIED

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BY GORDON GUILLERGAN
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Finding yourself

NEVER underestimate your capacity as a person because the moment you do, you lose all point of living.

Some people enter into a relationship or go into marriage believing in Jerry McGuire’s you-complete-me idea. But this is one common mistake in a relationship – the lack of “sense of self” of a partner or a spouse.

Years into the marriage or relationship, you will come to realize that a certain spot at the core of your being can never be filled by anyone else – not even your spouse – but you.

We often neglect to realize that such part of us needs filling up for us to fully love others. For it is in loving thy self that one can give fully to another.

How can we love our self when we limit our self or our capacity, and are always playing cautious and safe in everything?

This does not require tons of money or vacation leaves as commonly espoused in #yolo on Facebook; it only takes a quiet moment to be with yourself and realize, apart from your spouse and family, what else would you want to do that fulfills you?

I had a classmate in law school who, at 50-something, became a lawyer after all her children were able to finish college and after perhaps contemplating that it was the perfect time for her to do things for herself.

Blessed are those who have found their selves at an earlier point in their life. But just because some of us haven’t found our calling early in life does not mean we are lesser being. It’s just that perhaps there were certain circumstances that suspended our quest to find ourselves.

However, we should never be victims of these self-limiting circumstances. Always channel these negative circumstances into something of a blessing to others and to yourself. In marriage, just because you did so out of convenience (say, you got pregnant early) or it eventually collapsed doesn’t mean you stop being yourself. No. We should not let these hurdles limit ourselves.

Make every bad situation a time to know and love yourself. For it is only then that you can know how to love./PN

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