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BY GORDON Q. GUILLERGAN
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Wednesday, February 8, 2017
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“I’m certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them.” – James Dobson
WHILE having coffee with a friend, we discussed her future marriage plans, dream wedding and honeymoon. But sex revolted her. This had us all laughing at the thought of a sexless marriage.
I then researched on the legalities and the possibility of having a sexless marriage as ground to annul the marriage.
The Family Code’s Article 45 has laid down the grounds for the annulment of marriage. On the fifth enumeration, impotence and the inability to physically fulfill or consummate marital obligations is a ground for annulment. Such physical incapacity should be continuous and incurable prior and during the subsistence of the marriage. This article, however, refers only to impotence and not infertility.
The law is silent on sexless marriages. It is not one of the grounds identified to annul marriages. According to Atty. Fred Pamaos, sexual satisfaction or the lack of it, on the other hand, is a bit tricky. The obstinate and unjustified refusal to engage in sexual congress may serve as basis for a finding of psychological incapacity – a separate ground to declare a marriage void from the very beginning.
Sometimes it is quite difficult to work the law out as it tends to create some sort of void for certain things and only the court can infer and give meaning to the provisions of the law. I personally think the sex is a need in every marriage. It should not be the basis of the marriage but it affects the marriage one way or another.
There are psychological researches showing that lack of intimacy in marriage can be a major source of anxiety and frustration for men. Sometimes lack of sex will trigger a man’s insecurities and over the long-term can have damaging effects on his self-confidence.
In women, the lack of intimacy in marriage can be just as damaging – however, not always in the same way as men’s. Women tend to connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on the physical. This is not to say that sex is not an emotional experience for men or that women don’t enjoy physical pleasure. There is just different social programming in men and women.
Many men, for example, subconsciously have standards for themselves that define their role in sexuality. Self-confidence and ego are tied to their ability to deliver to their partners.
Women, mostly socialized to nurture, may feel a lack of love and intimacy in marriage during times when their partners seem less affectionate or withdrawn. This is because women equate affection with love, and women would only withdraw affection if something were wrong.
This is not the case in men. A withdrawn husband may be deeply engrossed in a thought or project or he is stressed about a problem at work, for example. When he is done mulling it over, he will come back and give attention to his wife again (this according to a marriage website Marriage.Com).
There are many ways to express love so knowing each other’s “love language” is important. Marriage is a daily work in progress and the need to communicate love and intimacy on all levels is important.
Marriage is not just a union; it is one of the many mediums or forms within which love can be found./PN
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