RAMBLINGS OF THE UNMARRIED

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BY GORDON Q. GUILLERGAN
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THE MORE you allow other people in to the marriage, the more likely of it not surviving. – Anonymous
Two common Filipino habits are nosing in on other people’s lives and giving unsolicited advice on matters that do not in any way affect us. This is one of the many problems that marriages encounter, and this tends to lead spouses into disputes sometimes.
Planting a small seed of doubt or intrigue into the head of one spouse can turn turtle a perfectly good relationship.
Article 1 of the Family Code provides that marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life.
Therefore, such union is between the husband and the wife, not the spouses and the in-laws, neighbors, friends, pastors or priests. Any person aside from the husband and wife is not a privy to this special kind of contract.
I remember being a third wheel for eight years to a beautiful relationship that ended on the altar. Trust me, third-wheeling is not a good thing. You either adapt to the idea being a perpetual third wheel or you become jaded as to your own relationships based on what you see from other people’s relationships. This is not good, of course.
But in marriage, what I notice to be common is that parents or in-laws run the show, and this usually results to a marriage train wreck.
In-laws, please…even if you see the need to put your finger into the pudding, DON’T. You can point out the problem once but you should allow the spouses to deal with it on their own. Never be too helpful to work out their problem. To begin with, it’s their problem, not yours.
Friends, friendships are for a lifetime. It is a sphere of no break-ups, sisterhood or brotherhood minus the blood ties but please know how far you have to go for a friend. Sometimes the unintentional “May upod bala nga bayi si Gordon kagab-i…” can lead to an argument. Be a friend and simply speak with kindness. It is not always what you say; sometimes it’s how you say it.
Religious confidants, I am a Protestant by birth and have always valued what the Bible thinks of my ways. In the absence of truly understanding the Bible, we often seek religious leaders’ take on some matters. This can be good but sometimes it tends to confuse us.
Marriage should be shared by two people bound by love, and peace and communication between the two is crucial. The world could oftentimes be chaotic but try finding that silence with each other. That can be the key to strengthen your bond./PN

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