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BY GORDON Q. GUILLERGAN
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Sunday, April 30, 2017
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AS I WAS going through some marriage blogs for this column I encountered seven common marriage problems and how to resolve them. This is an entry written by Carol Sorgen who gave an insight as to how to solve common marital problems.
First we’ll deal with the first common marital issue – money.
According to Sorgen, money problems can start even before the wedding vows are exchanged. This often stems from the expenses of courtship or from the high cost of a wedding. The National Foundation for Credit Counselling (NFCC) recommends that couples who have money woes take a deep breath and have a serious conversation about finances.
Usually it is the idea of sharing common funds by boyfriends and girlfriends which I believe is a good way to understand the financial habits of your future spouse (which tends to be the biggest downfall of a good relationship).
Sometimes the contrasting needs and wants of each other tend to be the biggest argument there is in a relationship. It is quite difficult to come to terms with the spending habits of your spouse which often you feel is more of a want than a need.
Sorgen has laid down some problem-solving strategies.
Be honest about your current financial situation. If things have gone south, continuing the same lifestyle is unrealistic.
Don’t approach the subject in the heat of battle. Instead, set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you.
Acknowledge that one partner may be a saver and one a spender; understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other’s tendencies.
Don’t hide income or debt. Bring financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank statements, insurance policies, debts, and investments to the table.
Don’t blame.
Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It’s okay to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.
Our Family Code provides for the different types of property regimes known as settlements agreed by spouses prior to the marriage if they feel there is a need for them to be protected from their spouses’ inadvertent spending habits. Such agreements are also commonly known as “pre-nuptial agreement.”
Article 75 of the same Code mentions that future spouses may, in the marriage settlements, agree upon the regime of absolute community, conjugal partnership of gain, complete separation of property, or any other regime.
In the absence of a marriage settlement, or when the regime agreed upon is void, the system of absolute community of property as established in the Code shall govern.
In the Regime of Absolute Community of Property, the husband and the wife become co-owners of all the properties that they bring into the marriage and those acquired by either or both of them during the course of their marriage, save for some exceptions. (Article 90 of the Family Code of the Philippines)
The administration and enjoyment of the community property shall belong to both spouses jointly. (Article 96 of the Family Code)
Neither spouse may donate any community property without the consent of the other. (Article 98 of the Family Code)
In the Conjugal Partnership of Gains, the husband and the wife retain ownership over their respective properties. Spouses place in a common fund the income from their separate properties and those acquired by either or both through their efforts or by chance. Upon dissolution of the marriage or of the partnership, the net gains or benefits obtained by either or both shall be divided equally between them, unless otherwise stated in the marriage settlements. (Article 106 of the Family Code of the Philippines)
The administration and enjoyment of the conjugal partnership shall belong to both spouses jointly. (Article 124 of the Family Code of the Philippines)
Neither spouse may donate any conjugal partnership property without the consent of the other. (Article 125 of the Family Code of the Philippines)
Complete Separation of Properties, each spouse shall own, dispose of, possess, administer and enjoy his or her own, without need of the consent of the other. Each spouse shall belong all the earnings from his or her profession, business or industry a received during the marriage. (Article 145 of the Family Code of the Philippines)
The parties are free to manage their respective properties without interference from the other spouse. Likewise, the Parties are also free to donate without interference of the other.
In marriage or in relationships money should never be an issue; it is only collateral to the main idea of marriage – love. But to a certain degree money becomes an issue when only one works hard for the family, and the other spends endlessly./PN
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