I AM not afraid of anything.
And especially not of love.
I love love.
I like being burned by love.
***
So, why am I not coming home to the Philippines yet to be with my LDR boyfriend?
Why am I postponing our eventual meet-up, and the start of our potential forever?
***
It’s not playing house that I’m afraid of.
Been there, done that.
And I really enjoy a lie-low domesticated life.
Please throw in ‘monogamous’ in that preceding line.
***
I’m ready for this relationship.
I’m ready for this younger man who wants to be with me for the rest of our lives.
How long will we ever last is not the question.
For now, it’s just the idea of meeting, of confirming that we are real.
***
My hesitance to go home at this time is not really a hesitance but a health caution.
The Philippine COVID-19 numbers are not looking good.
And Iloilo has just been put under ECQ again.
***
I love my online boyfriend, but nothing is final until I decide that I like his kiss.
Will I risk everything for a kiss this July?
This August? This September?
***
I am not afraid to die.
I never was.
What’s scary is spending my money on hospital bills just in case stupid Covid-19 hits me bad.
***
I’m 52.
Fully vaccinated.
No PhilHealth insurance.
With some money.
***
Takeaways: Vaccination does not fully protect you.
But you should still get it.
(Because you are a potential mutation factory if you aren’t vaccinated.)
And while vaccination will try to save you from hospitalization, you’ll never know what variants are going on in the Philippines.
And I wonder if my vaccines, and my own immune system are strong enough for these variants.
***
And a little superstition: I also believe that once you have money, something will always come up to separate you from it.
I mean, don’t you feel like you need to shop if you see money in your bag or bank account?
I just don’t want that Covid-19 will do that for me.
***
I mean, I have no problem losing my money to my boyfriend, or to boy toys and other prostitutes.
But to lose money for Covid-19 hospitalization?
I’ll hate the Philippines for that.
Because let’s face it, I’m vaccinated, but the Philippines is just unsafe with Covid-19 right now.
***
Which leads me to praying for my beloved country.
Which leads me to newsfeeds about people eyeing top positions in the 2022 elections.
And I thought that Manny Pacquiao would be my worst nightmare.
***
And early surveys show that there are worse nightmares than Manny Pacquiao.
But let me say it here loud and clear: It’s a NO to Manny Pacquiao for me.
I will definitely campaign against Manny Pacquiao for the country’s top position.
***
Damn! I can’t even name the position for fear that his name appears in the same sentence as the word president!
And I’m tempted to say that if he becomes President, I’ll probably retire in Costa Rica or Portugal.
Maybe give up my Filipino citizenship.
***
What about another Duterte?
This early, my answer is No.
A six-year chance has been given.
If any good was really meant to be done, it should have been done.
***
Remember this: I campaigned and voted for the current president.
I put my trust and support in him.
And still, the lives of many people have not improved.
I am not likely to support him again, or any of his endorsements.
***
Am I scared of presidents?
Frankly, no!
I have survived Trump in America.
I will survive a Duterte in the Philippines.
I do not rely on them for my livelihood and well-being.
***
But I’m afraid for my poor, poor, poor, poor, poor beloved country.
Because as a citizen of the world, I can just fly away.
While the poor Filipinos remain poor.
Or die poor./PN
