THE FIRST half of the year is already over.
Can we start preparing for my 50th birthday celebration now?
I want July 1st to mark my official road to the big Five-O!
I’m turning gold in January next year.
And I can’t wait to be of a man “of a certain age”.
*
I still can’t make up my mind how to celebrate my landmark birthday.
I don’t think I’ll be married by then, so I’m thinking of boys.
Six boys: One for each decade lived, and one for the road.
Naughty, yes. But also nice!
Very nice.
*
Can seven men really survive in an island a la Blue Lagoon?
I want to stay in a private island for a week.
We will bring food and drinks; and lubes, condoms, and porn videos.
And just live like Adams and Steve.
Or like animals!
I think it will be nice to live like that.
Live naughty and nice.
*
I’m seriously thinking of fornicating within Philippine waters.
But I’m not opposed to the idea of taking this plan to another country’s backyard.
And away from the Catholic lips that lick me.
Escapades in our Southeast Asian neighbors sound exciting.
I’ll probably spend the same amount of money in the Philippines anyway.
No need to be patriotic at 50.
*
I mean, I’ve been totally patriotic in the last 50 years, and where did it get me?
So yeah, for my 50th birthday bash, I can do anything I want.
I don’t need to patronize local tourism.
It’s not like this country is going to pay for my party anyway.
*
But, but, but…
If there are offers for freebies, I’m open to the idea.
I’m only turning 50 once.
So, if it will give some people, or businesses, honor to host me and my all-boys party, I’m open.
Provided we can trash the sheets (if it were a hotel).
And we can rape the beaches (no, spelling error there; if it were an island).
I’m a tightwad, yes; but very open.
*
I’m really very happy that there are more gay, bi, whatever people now, in the Philippines.
Suddenly, being LGBTQ and whatever letters more are added to that rainbow coalition is no longer a big issue.
I kinda envy the young people.
They don’t have the sexual angst of those uptight Filipinos born before 1986.
*
Well, let me correct myself.
I don’t really envy these young people as much as I love them.
I mean, I admire their sexual promiscuity.
And I like it that they like me.
Some even think I can be a cool sugar daddy.
*
Now that I’m about to turn 50, I’m not really opposed to the idea.
But my sugar baby has got to have a lot of sugar.
Because I’m not stupid.
And I’m damn too sexy for my 50.
Plus, I’ve already seen it all.
*
Sugar baby has to be smart.
Sugar baby has to be hot like hell.
Sugar baby has to eat daddy good.
And I want my baby/babies out of the closet.
If they can’t be my trophy babies, they aren’t it.
*
I’m not a desperate 50.
I get what I want whenever I want it.
I can demand things because I can afford them.
But the wisdom of my age: I have the serenity to accept what I can’t have.
*
Sure, sure, I throw my fishing bait.
But you’d be so stupid to think that I only throw one.
Not when I can afford to throw fifty!
You see, my dears, I was born in 1969. Not yesterday.
And 1969 was when Man landed on the moon.
It’s the year of Yes, We Can! Yes, I Can!
*
I’m not a mean person.
I just hate stupid.
Like these boys who think “I love you” means “I need you”.
I don’t need anyone.
Been there, done that.
*
When one is about to turn 50, “I love you” can only mean “I want you”, among many other things.
Do you seriously think I would need someone if I survived five decades of not having someone? Not needing someone?
No, dearies.
I just want someone.
And sometimes, any warm body will do.
*
Want is a beautiful thing.
It keeps me young.
But I’m smart enough to discover early on that: Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can have it.
I’m so glad I grew up poor.
I don’t feel so entitled.
*
So, again, I know I’m sexy.
I know I’m smart.
I know I’m pretty hot for my age.
Or for any other age for that matter.
But it doesn’t mean I get everything that I want.
Well, that last sentence is not very true anymore. Haha.
I often get what I want! Promise!
*
But only because I have curbed my desire and enthusiasm.
I still live fully.
I aim for the stars.
Occasionally, I get lucky.
But I’m not unhappy if I can only get to up Cloud 9.
(Continued on Monday as “Boy Toys Like Me”)/PN
