A LONG, long time ago…
…maybe just before the pandemic, I met this guy for the first time after so much online flirting.
We met at the freaking airport because, well, maybe he thought he was too hot for me.
Before I came to the Philippines, we agreed to meet and explore possibilities for a relationship.
But he didn’t try to see me.
Not until my last day in the country.
And when he decided, I have already checked in at the NAIA.
***
To be fair, I was a little early for my international flight.
Like I had six hours to kill at the Manila airport from Iloilo on to my Los Angeles flight.
We met, ate some at the airport restaurants, had coffee, talked dreams and future plans.
I wanted a kiss. Like a real kiss to find if we have saliva chemistry.
He gave me a smack.
And so, we said goodbye with my balls turning blue, and my heart bleeding red.
***
Fast forward two years later, I met his baby and the baby-mama.
I have nothing against the baby.
I have nothing against the baby-mama. Or, maybe I do. Haha.
But, like a most moral person of the past century, I do not dip in someone else’s bowl.
My marriage principle remains: I will not be the cause of another person’s heartache.
And most macho of all, I will not be the cause of a woman’s heartache.
So, I jokingly said before God and country that if he got separated from this woman, I might consider to be with him.
***
Fast forward to two weeks ago, I met him again.
This time with a little daddy body, but still sexy by my standard.
I mean, the farm boy who roasted the pig for his birthday had a big pole and washboard abs, but do I want a farm boy more than this handsome seaman?
The way he told it, he is no longer with the baby-mama who had some indiscretion.
He appreciated the girl’s honestly, but not her infidelity.
I’m not sure that he can really be devout, but that’s Filipino machismo and double standard for you.
***
Did I want to party with this boy?
Not really.
But if it leads to sex, why not?
And there’s the thing: Does this night out in the city guarantee sex for me?
If it doesn’t, I would kick myself in the morning that I allowed myself to be used as a bridge to forge a sex connection with him and whoever else he sleeps with.
(Because if I go out at night in the city, sex is bound to happen: either to me, with me, or to the people who go out with me.)
***
If we end up having sex together after a night of partying, am I ready to get serious with him?
Because, God, I still want him!
Of course, there’s the possibility that he has opened his mind to casual sex between friends. (Seamen!)
But I don’t really want that.
I mean, that’s too much fun. Haha.
***
Then, there are those other possibilities: That the night will end with me going with someone else, and he will be left alone, or with some stranger.
If he is left alone, I’d worry about him.
And if he is left with someone else, I’d still worry about him.
***
What if we just partied the night away as friends, eat, drink, dance, and get a Dragon Lodge room to sleep in together as friends?
Yuck!
I can do that with 21-year olds, but not 25.
Not with single dads.
Not when I still have strong feelings for him.
***
On his birthday, this guy took me on his motorcycle, and we drove into a farm up in the mountains.
He wanted to buy the farm so he’s working hard as a seaman.
I gave him an interview.
If I bought the farm for him, would he leave seafaring and just stay by my side?
His pride replied: I’d still work as a seaman because I want to earn this farm.
In my mind: Go ahead! Be as stubborn and proud as you want./PN
