DEAR Luke,
I woke up too early, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I prayed a little bit before I checked if you were logged on to Messenger. There was no green dot next to your profile pic and name, and it said you were Active 4h ago.
I guess you are now busy preparing for the dinner orders of your meal-delivery business. I really admire your industry and resourcefulness during this Covid season. Sana all talaga.
Anyway, I’ll just write another letter to you. You aren’t likely to get to read this anyway.
But I’ll go back to our chat yesterday because I don’t think it ended very well. You asked me why I think I am in love with you.
I gave you 10 Reasons Why I Love Luke Paclibar:
1. I see potential in you.
2. You seem hardworking.
3. You have ambition.
4. You are the artist type.
5. You are smart, and college educated.
6. You are good looking.
7. You are young (at 33, compared to my 51).
8. You seem fit and healthy.
9. I feel you already have a fondness for me.
10. You are practical.
And all you said to that was, “You really like making lists. Ha-ha-ha.”
I was hurt by your reply, and I could maliciously imagine the sound of those devilishly terrible laughter that punctuated your ambiguous dismissal of my effort to organize and systematize.
So I texted, “Success is achieved by those who make good lists, and those who do something positive about them.”
You just shot back with, “I’m sleepy already. Goodnight.”
And before I could even reply and say goodnight, your green dot had disappeared, and you were Active 2m ago.
So, what did I really mean by my list? I gave a list because lists always make it easier for me to keep track of what I wanted to say. You put me on the spot, and I didn’t want to appear unprepared. I didn’t want you to have the impression that I needed an hour to think of the reasons why I would consider you to be my perfect partner. I wanted you, and believe me, I really know why. I wasn’t just being frivolous. There is a system to my crazy ways.
But since it seemed that you were not really interested to hear what I wanted to say, let me just explain them here in a letter which you may not actually get to read.
I guess that I can always say that I see potential in everyone I meet. But what I mean there is their potential for their personal growth that they can develop on their own. In your case, however, I see potentials for you and me together. For us! I feel that we will be good for each other because I am so ready to support and help you become the best person you can be. I want you to be the best person for yourself, which should also benefit me — as we build our best partnership as a couple.
In our brief exchanges, and through my back reading (is it called stalking?) of your old Facebook posts, I see that you have taken the initiative to start a neighborhood business in April, in the midst of the pandemic. That speaks of initiative, hard work, industry, and ambition, and I like those traits in a potential boyfriend. I like that you are poor, because I can come with the financial capital, and you can be the industrial partner in whatever business that we would decide to venture into together.
I love that you have a college education in business administration, and some artistic ambitions to write for the screen. I am a novice filmmaker and writer myself, and if I can support other people in the arts, why shouldn’t I support you when you end up being my boyfriend and life partner? Oh, I would love for us to work together for literature and the arts in the Philippines. And maybe, we can start from my small place in the Western Visayas region.
Your college education? I don’t really need it. But I have snobbish friends and ugly frenemies who may be critical of our relationship, and they may look at your level of education. Even if I’m sure that I would fight to defend your honor, I don’t want you to feel insecure. And I know for a fact that in the Philippines, a college diploma is always a source of pride. If not, why would people buy fake ones in Recto?
I love that you run and go to the gym. I used to run marathons myself. I would love to run again, but with you. I really want a boyfriend who can also be my gym partner.
I’m not really opposed to an older partner, or someone of my age, but I figured, I’d be happier with someone younger, and not someone old and sickly. I have some money, but I’d rather spend this money on travels and fun instead of medications and hospitalizations. Does that make sense?
And who wouldn’t like a pretty-faced boyfriend? Granted that you look too metrosexual and fuck boy pretty for my taste, I am okay with a trophy boyfriend now that I’m 51.
I used to avoid pretty boys when I was younger because I didn’t want to deal with the drama of jealousies, infidelities, and betrayals. I didn’t want the stress of having to worry about who’s flirting with you, or who you are trying to seduce, when I am not around.
But now, I’m okay with it. You fuck around, you are dead to me. I’ll just kick you out, and find a next cute young boy, probably with a bigger dick. And, if you choose to stick around with me, I’ll enjoy showing you off as my pretty trophy boyfriend.
I like that you are not naive or innocent. I only have respect for you, and your ten-year relationship with a transvestite gay beautician. The fact that you remained faithful (if anybody can believe that), even if you began from a purely economic arrangement, tells me that you are practical, and may actually entertain a long lasting same-sex relationship or partnership with me.
Luke, I know everything between us came too suddenly, and too soon. But I also saw the twinkle of excitement in your eyes. I heard the enthusiasm and interest in your voice. I could feel that you were taking me seriously. And I liked that. Because if you feel even just the tiniest “click and spark” of what I felt when we first talked, I know I have a chance of kindling it until our love blazes like a forest fire.
I am falling madly and deeply in love with you, Luke Paclibar. I may overlook some things, and overplay some things, but I am willing to do more for this love. You must, however, understand that my love may not burn long if you do not encourage it.
I’m older now, and I’ve seen much of the world. If there are 7.8 billion people in the world today (okay, maybe 7.6 billion considering the Covid deaths), understand that I am too old to be acting stupid and crying over one pretty fuck boy idiot who doesn’t appreciate my kind of loving.
This is no ordinary love I’m offering you, Luke Paclibar, and you will be the most ungrateful idiot on the planet if you refuse my love. And all the angels in heaven will surely weep for you!
*
(You may also follow this story on Wattpad under the account of @PeterSolisNery)/PN
