SPRING officially began on March 20. But it snowed in Maryland on the first day of Spring.
We had a snow storm, and on the second day of Spring, we had 11.5 inches of snow.
I’d like to say, “Let it go! The cold has never bothered me anyway.”
But to be honest, the spring snow storm really dampened my week. And the days that followed.
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The cold made me lazier. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I didn’t write anything at all. No poetry. No advance columns for Panay News.
No sex advice pieces for my possible next newspaper affiliation. Which gets me to thinking, Maybe I shouldn’t do this.
The cold made me want to just stay in bed. Under the sheets. With my boy toys.
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I don’t even like pizza that much.
But if Pizza & More delivers, deliver me!
I’m not a pizza delivery boy killer. But I will not say it has never happened to me.
Which gets me to thinking, Maybe I should really be a sex column writer.
Because so many crazy things have happened to me. And I can definitely say something just about anything.
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You remembered how I bought a Hollywood porn star on my 46th birthday because I felt that my late husband cheated me of my inheritance?
Well, how many of the upstanding people in Iloilo can make a claim like that?
Or, the fact that I was in a same-sex marriage, don’t you think I have much to say about the issue?
Or even just the topic of keeping a marriage work? Because I continued to be married to the same man until he croaked!
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I know that I’ll probably be more of a relationship adviser in the column that I envision to write. But I just feel that it should be called a sex advice column to dispel wrong expectations, and to spare readers of surprises.
For example, if someone asks me how to keep a healthy marriage, I would, for sure, prescribe regular great sex.
If someone asks me how to spice up a marriage, I’ll prescribe trying hot, kinky sex.
Because other advisers will mostly prescribe good communication and all those expensive stuff; but will likely skirt around the mention of honest-to-goodness, commonplace, everyday sex.
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And this is also the reason why I’m not into politics. Because I am not a moral person.
I’m just honest. And intelligent.
Between moral and honest. I can only be honest.
Between moral and intelligent. I can only be smart and reasonable.
I do not pretend to be a good person. I know that I am a good person. I just know.
More significantly, I don’t like to be judged as good or bad based on some arbitrary standard like society’s mores and changing morals.
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I am a writer, foremost. An artist. I see beauty, truth, and goodness in things.
I try to present beauty, truth, and goodness. And point them out, if people have gone blind.
And, my dearest, sex is true, good, and beautiful.
Now, read this story of a threesome. Guess who is true, who is good, and who is beautiful:
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Nagbugtaw si Peter Valentine sa luyu sang estudiante nga si Vassilis, apang wala sia nagbangun bangud nagakambid sa iya ang 19 años nga Griego nga mahamuuk ang katulugon.
Sang si Vassilis na ang nagbugtaw, ginligiran niya si Peter kag ginsakyan nga daw sa nagawrestling. “Good morning, Mr. Valentine.” Ginhalukan niya si Peter, kag sang kon pila ka minutos, natunaw sila nga duha.
Pagkatapus sang pamahaw, nanghagad si Vassilis nga maglanguy sa swimming pool. Matugnaw ang tubi, alas ocho pa lang, apang indi makapamalibad si Peter sa bataun nga Griego, gani nagpautaw-utaw sila sing mga tunga man sa horas.
Pagbalik nila sa hulut, may tatlo ka missed calls sa cellphone ni Vassilis. Halin tanan sa iya abyan nga si Tassos. Gintawgan niya si Tassos kag naghambalanay sila sa Griego. Wala sang nahangpan si Peter.
Dayon, nagsiling si Vassilis, “I have an idea. How would you like to meet my friend Tassos? He’s not doing anything today, and he’s feeling bored.”
Luyag pa kuntani magsabat ni Peter nga may mga museo sila nga dapat kadtuan, apang pagkatapus sang tanan nga natabu sang nagligad nga gab-i, wala sia sang kusog kag kapag-un agud magpamalibad kay Vassilis. Nagtangutangu sia kag nagsiling, “Why not? We can meet in the city, or he can join us here in the hotel.”
“I think here in the hotel is better. He lives quite near. Are you sure it’s okay?”
Nagtangu liwat si Peter, kag maasab sia nga ginhalukan ni Vassilis. “You won’t regret this. Just wait and see.”
Gintawgan ni Vassilis si Tassos, kag bag-u pa man nag-alas nueve, nanuktuk na si Tassos. Nakaboxer shorts lang sanday Peter kag Vassilis sang ginpasulud nila si Tassos sa cuarto.
Indi man gid guapo si Tassos. Or at least, indi sia type ni Peter, apang sa una lang ini mahuluy-un. Formal ang hitsura sang abyan ni Vassilis, malaba ang buhok nga iya ginponytail. Daw iya ni Jesus Christ ang iya burangus. Apang wala pa nakalima ka minutos, nagsiling na si Tassos, “It’s unfair. You, two, are only wearing boxer shorts.”
Nagsabat si Peter, “You can wear anything you like, Tassos. I don’t care.”
Kag gilayun nga gin-uba ni Tassos ang iya skinny jeans. Nakabriefs lang sia. Calvin Klein nga pula.
Gintuluk ni Peter si Vassilis. Nagyuhum lang si Vassilis. Gindapit niya si Peter kag gindala sa nahamtangan ni Tassos.
Nagyuhum si Tassos kag ginwagwag ang iya nakaponytail nga buhok. Dayon, ginhakup niya ang guya ni Peter kag ginhalukan.
Ginpatung-an nanday Tassos kag Vassilis si Peter, nagtiyug ang kalibutan. Nagsaut ang anum ka mga butkon, anum ka mga batiis, tatlo ka mga dila, tatlo ka mga kinatawo. Kag ambut kon ano kadugay, apang ara na dayon sila nga tatlo sa cama.
Daw mapatay sa kakalam kag kanamitun si Peter Valentine. Sang nagligad nga gab-i, mahimayaun ang mga ginpangbuhat nila ni Vassilis. The best, siling niya.
Subung, si Tassos. Si Tassos nga labing sampatun sa pagpahalipay. Nahibaluan niya ang tanan nga bahin sang kanamitun. Ang mga wala ginkadtuan ni Vassilis, gintarag niya kag ginbunyagan.
Ayhan, tatlo gid man ka horas sila nga nagsalo sa kalipay kag himaya. Alas doce y media na sang nagbangun sila sa catre. Naniaga sila sa isa ka popular nga taverna malapit sa hotel. Dayon, ginbuligan ni Tassos, nga isa ka tour guide, si Peter Valentine nga piliun ang importante nga mga museo nga kinahanglan makadtuan.
Sumugud alas dos tubtub alas sais, apat pa ka museo ang nasudlan ni Peter bag-u sia gindul-ung sang mag-abyan sa Athens International Airport, nga ginakilala man bilang Eleftherios Venizelos Airport sunu sa tour guide nga si Tassos./PN
