IN DUMANGAS, people stop me all the time for all sorts of things.
They call out my name when I’m running for fun, or when I’m walking to a destination (or a date!).
I say Good morning, or Good afternoon, and usually just go on with my business.
Sometimes, I indulge them, and stop to catch my breath.
Engage them, and ask them about their interesting lives.
***
I’ve been in town for five weeks now, and I kid you not, I already have had seven offers of new properties to acquire (including two in Guimaras).
Do these people think that I have so much money that I could buy more properties?
***
I could tell them that I have so many other properties that I yet have to develop, and I wouldn’t be lying.
Instead, I ask them, “Do you think I’m so poor that I need more properties?”
***
And then I realize that rich people do that—buy all the poor people’s property, and make even more money out of them.
I mean, look at certain political families who buy agricultural land, and turn them into malls or real estate subdivisions.
If I have to name them, you are too poor to know.
***
People try to sell me anything, and everything.
Now, I really lack for nothing.
Seriously!
I eat what I want, I buy what I need… when I need them.
***
I still haven’t a Keurig coffeemaker in the Philippines.
Why should I own one?
I have better coffee in the market, and in some of my friends’ coffee shops.
Plus, I get all the fresh gossips, and political news in a public coffee place.
***
Being offered things left and right can be exasperating.
So, I tell these peddlers, “Rich people don’t eat that!”
Or, “Millionaires don’t need that!”
And because I am a great comic, we always get a good laugh.
I guess those lines can be offensive if people don’t know me as #ThePSN.
And I dare say, those I offend in Dumangas are the real stupids — bobo and tanga.
***
But I will preempt everybody and every misunderstanding, by saying it here now, whoever is offended by me should have his IQ and EQ examined.
I see a lot of possible stupid people around me (this is the Philippines of 31 million, after all), but I will presume them intelligent until proven otherwise. Haha!
***
I have so many millionaire stories to tell from my first month in the Philippines.
But what amuses me is when people ask me why I still haven’t developed my property here, or there.
They keep asking why I do not live in my Casa Dom Pedro at this time.
Do they feel I have an obligation to explain to them?
***
I mean, if they aren’t so illiterate, they would have already read about my decision to postpone the opening of Casa Dom Pedro de Dumangas here in Panay News.
When exactly I want to operate the Casa is my own prerogative.
It’s not like I cannot eat if I keep it idle for a while.
I am here now.
And I will do what I think is best.
In my time.
***
I made it no secret that I’m staying with my friend in his unfinished house most of the time.
I would sleep twice a week in our ancestral home at the PRIMA CT Building, but do I want to announce what days those are?
No!
I want Maritess et al. to wonder where I sleep, or spend my nights.
***
Full disclosure: one night last week, I woke up in a new house.
‘New’ because it was really brand new, but also ‘new’ because I was a stranger in that house.
Let’s just say that I was with my motorcycle gay friends.
And they got me a 20-something.
Because he was movie star gorgeous, I decided to lose his/my virginity. Haha!
***
Sweet boy!
At dawn, I asked him, “Are you okay?”
He smiled, and said, “Yes. What about you, Sir? Are you okay?”
Sir — my ass!/PN
