![MY LIFE AS ART PETER SOLIS NERY](https://www.panaynews.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/MY-LIFE-AS-ART-PETER-SOLIS-NERY-696x365.png)
THIS CONTINUES the exegesis of my onion poem reprinted below.
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CHOPPING POEMS WITH ONIONS
By Peter Solis Nery
One lazy, rainy September afternoon
I examined a bored bulb of onion, its
Roots white, withered, and hopeless, its
Outer skin dry, flaky, almost purple, not
As dark as the fleshy inner skin next to it. (5)
And I remembered how in school, we
Examine poetry, dissect it hopelessly
Like an onion: peeling it layer after layer
Looking for hidden meaning, trying to
Solve some supposed mystery. I groaned (10)
With the onion. Then, I smiled, shook my
Head, cut the bulb in halves, and sliced each
Mystery thinly. I inhaled the stinging smell
The layers no longer a puzzle, the pungent
Smell, pure essence. My tears began to form (15)
And I cried for all the little helpless poems
We so mercilessly chopped to death.
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My draft said: āI examine the onion/ with its purple skin/ almost dry, purple/ but not as dark as the next layer/ its roots dry and white.ā
Immediately, ābulbā came to mind.
But, I also thought, who examines an onion bulb?
Bored people!
I already said Iām feeling lazy since July.
And Iām thinking Iām feeling lazy because Iām feeling bored.
August and September are usually my travel months, but Covid put a stop to that.
So, am I feeling lazy because Iām doing boring repetitions of Netflix bingeing, sleeping, cooking, eating, reading, et cetera?
Bored and lazy, I am.
So I adopted āboredā because it has a nice alliteration to ābulb.ā
Is the bulb really bored, or am I just projecting my boredom on the onion bulb?
I really donāt care about that at this point.
The line sounds good, and it feels right to me.
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It was after the seventh and eighth reading of the poem that I decided to transpose the roots (line 3) and skin (lines 4 and 5) portions in the poem.
But early on, I have decided to put āitsā at the end of lines 2 and 3.
Itās called an enjambment ā the continuation of a sentence without a pause beyond the end of a line.
Notice that it also looks like a beautiful visual rhyme.
Itās very tempting to say,
āI examined a bored bulb of onion.
Its outer dry skin, flaky, almost purple
Not as dark as the fleshy inner skin next to it.
Its roots white, withered, and hopeless.ā
But I wanted to emphasize certain words and phrases.
Poetry tip: The first word of the line has more emphasis than the last word of the line.
Unless, you are writing the killer ending of the last line.
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By placing āitsā and ābutā at the end of lines 2, 3, and 4, I gave the attention and focus to āroots,ā āouter skin,ā and āas dark asā of their succeeding line.
What made me ultimately decide to transpose the roots and skin portion was the fact that the skin story has two lines, and it ended with āit.ā
It just didnāt look right to have āit, itsā at the end of a line.
Iām sure thereās not much difference in meaning whether I discussed the onion skin first before its roots.
But, poetry deals with the best arrangement of words, and phrases.
And in this case, because my mind was involved, I just decided that ā
āI examined a bored bulb of onion, its
Roots white, withered, and hopeless, its
Outer skin dry, flaky, almost purple, not
As dark as the fleshy inner skin next to it.ā
— is a lot better than
āI examined a bored bulb of onion, its
Outer skin dry, flaky, almost purple, not
As dark as the fleshy inner skin next to it, its
Roots white, withered, and hopeless.ā
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āFlakyā is a late addition in the poem.
It was triggered by the word āfleshyā of the inner layer of the onion.
I liked both the sonic and visual rhyme, the āflās and the āyās.
I wasnāt even sure of the word āflakyā in the poem at first, but I have tiny fallen bits of dry skin of onions in my onion-and-garlic basket.
They remind me of dandruff flakes.
But now, Iām very sure that ādry, flakyā is beautiful.
*
The most interesting word in this section of the poem is āhopeless.ā
The rest of the descriptions you will get once you observe an onion bulb closely.
I donāt know about you, but I feel that the roots of an onion are dead and useless.
They are the first things that I cut off when I chop onions.
I kept āhopelessā because later in the poem, it echoes with āhelplessā and āmercilessā in āmercilessly.ā
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But describing an onion is hardly a poem.
The poem has to move, and go somewhere beyond mere description.
More explication of the poem will continue in my next column./PN