The Peter Solis Nery Show, Part 2

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BY PETER SOLIS NERY
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January 16, 2018
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(This is the second part of a series that started on January 13. Love in the Time of the Bacunaua, the novel in installments, keeps its MWF schedule.)

DURING my show at Troi Oi on Jan. 26, Dinagyang Friday, I want to get you to that level of heightened intoxication, where it’s okay to be touchy-feely because you are in great company, and in an amazing Peter Solis Nery event, and you just want to hug (or grope) everyone who will let you.

But we will take our drunken carousing elsewhere.

*

What about dancing, twerking, and groping?

I don’t think Troi Oi has space for that. Think tables and chairs. The venue is a restaurant!

But if you see me gyrating and rubbing my pelvis against some consenting adults, I think you can pretty much do it at the point, too.

At any rate, I will tell you what you can do at what point of my show.

It’s Dinagyang. It’s our party. But it’s still my show, okay?

It’s my name on the billboard. Let’s get that straight.

*

So yeah, my show is decidedly adult. It’s an “I don’t give a f*ck anymore” show. It’s a one-man stand-up performance of a 49-year old iconic, and iconoclastic, Ilonggo artist like you’ve never seen before on the Ilonggo stage/performance venue.

Well, that’s what the audience said about my last show. And though I tend to repeat myself, I got new materials developed during my tour of Europe, too. So, come again.

And you are welcome again, thank you!

You need to be old enough to drink alcohol to be admitted.

You need to be adult enough to afford the admission ticket. Which is not really expensive at P300.  You get a first beer/soda and a banh mi sandwich. And then, you can pay for your succeeding orders. Troi Oi has a great menu that I am proud to recommend.

*

This is not for the lighthearted, and those tight-assed hypocrites. Stay at home, and watch your Koreanovelas, prudish prunes!

No sexual conservatives allowed. LGBTQ people, come to my rescue! Fill the venue before imposters do!

This is the most gay-friendly, if not the gayest, Dinagyang party venue this year. But it is not gay exclusive. I am all for inclusivity. Think parabola of sexuality. Think sexual fluidity.

Think world peace. Acceptance. Love is all we need drama, and all that jazz.

Open-minded Ilonggos, book early. Troi Oi (phone number +63 33 323 3169) will accept reservations starting January 10. They’re on Facebook, too!

*

Think white party with food, drinks, and sleazy stories to get you off. Instead of illegal drugs.

And understand this: I only want you to be happy. Because it’s my birthday month, and my wish is for world peace, and your happiness!

No sex in the premises, but I’ll give away condoms, and free (limited supply) HIV oral swab tests.

That’s how socially conscious I am. And how Dinagyang-aware!

I’ll discuss Dinagyang orgies in my show, but with more humor than here.

*

There will be spitting, biting (I’m not sure about this, but let me include it here!), and a lot of sleaze. Or tease!

Don’t worry about obscenity charges. I know what I can get away with. I’m not totally ignorant about morality and decency clauses. In fact, I’m very smart about them.

In my 17 years of sex column writing (some people called it porn), have I ever been legally charged?

*

And that story that I was put under Task Force Adam’s Apple’s surveillance watch in the early 2000s? That was just press release. Ask then-Mayor, now Congressman Jerry Treñas!

(Actually, I really wanna know it from him, too!)

I ask again, Have I been formally charged with anything at all, except overspeeding?

No! Because smart people know I’m really smart. They know that I know what I’m talking about.

I’m the freaking sex guru of the Western Visayas!

*

In Quebec last year, I paraded Igorot costume-naked with my whitish butt showing under a skimpy G-string in the streets of Downtown Montreal on Canada Day. And I got a limited-edition commemorative medal for it.

From the government of Montreal! Of Canada!

Now, who goes to Canda, dances naked, and gets a medal for it?

*

So, don’t worry about me, and the law enforcers. Or the league of decency.

I invite the new Mayor Joe III Espinosa, and his First Lady to come, and watch my show. That’s how real this is.

Let’s put Ilonggo tolerance and intelligence to the test.

Enter responsibly. Key words: P300 admission ticket, that comes with a drink and sandwich.

You come to my show to have fun. Not to give a constipated f*ck!

No one is forcing you to attend this, Bishop!

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No, I have my own chosen charities. So, this one is not for free.

If you want free thrills, jump into the Iloilo River in the early evening of January 26.

If they scoop you out safely, and you can say my three names in the correct order, I’ll let you in for free.

But you must.

You must let me humiliate you onstage!

*

Here’s my story: I toured 14 countries Europe in November. (Which Ilonggo ever did that, and who was not there as a mere cruise cabin crew?)

I did Spain in September, Greece in October, and Ireland in December. I almost died.

Well, I think, I almost died.

Come to my show, I’ll tell you the “whole” story.

I’ll also tell you what I learned during that life-changing trip.

And why you should celebrate your life, and Dinagyang, in the same way that I do now! (500tinaga@gmail.com/PN)
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