BY AIZA DELA CRUZ
WRITER C.S. Lewis said, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only… to support the ultimate career.”
Throughout my almost six years of motherhood, I’ve been questioned why I am not working and not helping my husband earn money for the family. It has always been an issue with others as we live in a society wherein both husband and wife are working and pursuing careers. Others would comment that I am wasting my education, work experience, and potential in staying at home taking care of my son and the house.
These kinds of unsolicited comments make me run to my husband and question our choices if it is the right thing to be the in-charge of our son and the house while he provides for our wants and needs. As always, my husband would comfort me and tell me to ignore those comments and those people. He said that I would continue with our arrangement because it is best for our family.
Most people – even family – do not understand the challenges and worries we, as parents of autistic go through, despite numerous explanations. They always thought those reasons are excuses, exaggerations, and overthinking. Their beliefs and opinions could not be changed because they refuse to. They only see the bright side of autism parenting, seeing our son once in a while happily playing. They don’t see the investments – time, effort, and resources – we have put into our son, who in their eyes look okay and doesn’t look autistic anymore as if autism can be cured with the mother staying at home for a few years.
My husband and I have countless worries about our son, especially that he is autistic. Most of these are:
Cuts and bruises
Our son has proprioception issues. Proprioception is the body’s ability to sense its location, movements, and actions. It’s the reason we’re able to move freely without consciously thinking about our environment (healthline.com). Since he is not aware of his body, our son often bumps into things and trips over, thus, having cuts and bruises.
One time, a special education teacher voiced her concern that our son might’ve been abused by the nanny due to bruises on his arms and legs. I laughed it off and said it was not possible and that my son was just clumsy. At that time, we didn’t have a nanny. I was the one taking care of my son.
To improve his proprioception, we sing and dance to nursery rhymes, go swimming, let him ride the bike and scooter, and undergo occupational therapy sessions. Since then, he has improved but still gets bruises once in a while.
We are not confident in leaving our son to a nanny, knowing his proprioception issues. Imagine coming home seeing his eyes all black and blue as if somebody punched him and a big bump on his forehead. That is what I saw when I came home one day when he was two years old with a nanny supposedly taking care of him. My son allegedly hit his head on the bed frame, thus, the horrible bump and bruises. We have no way of ascertaining the truth since we were not there.
Near-death incidents
Gut-wrenching and heart-stopping incidents followed even though my husband and I take care of our son, and I decided to be a stay-at-home mom.
There were countless times when we thought that we would have to rush our son to the hospital: choking on noodles because he forgot to chew his food and just decided to swallow it; bleeding profusely from a cut lip when he tripped while running; choking on a key ring holder after swallowing and my husband had to do the Heimlich maneuver; suddenly couldn’t breathe because he stuck small pieces of foam, paper, or Lego inside his nose; almost getting run over by a tricycle when he suddenly ran towards the street while the car was going out of the garage, and among so many incidents.
Because of this, we are not confident in letting our son be taken care of by a nanny, no matter how trustworthy they are. Installing security cameras around the house wouldn’t help if our son suddenly choked and the nanny doesn’t know what to do. Even getting a caregiver would not help if our son couldn’t verbally communicate with them.
Aches and pains
Our son has no sense of fear and danger, nobody awareness, high pain tolerance, and could not say what ails him, so we always dread him getting sick. As much as possible, we always try to prevent him from getting sick. He does not say if his head hurts when he has a fever or if his stomach aches when he suddenly vomits or has loose bowel.
Recently, he started spitting out the apple he was chewing then started to shout and cry. As the mother, I had to play investigator and doctor. I ate the leftover apple to check if there was something wrong with it. I had to ask him what was wrong or if something hurts countless times. He then brought my hand to his left cheek; I checked his mouth and guessed his tooth was aching. We brushed his teeth and asked for a prescription for the decayed tooth. I set an appointment with the dentist.
If my son was with a nanny, would the nanny go to such lengths to see what is wrong with my son? Would the nanny be able to respond calmly and properly to such incidents?
My son is already five years old, but he still does not know the concept of danger. He is fearless, curious, and ingenious. He is finding ways to open the gate and climbing the cupboard and shelves.
A moment of silence from my son may be a life-threatening danger. This is the most worrying part of autism parenting.
I enjoin everyone to have more compassion and understanding for all children with different abilities.
I would also like to hear the experiences of other parents who have children on the autism spectrum. You may email me at genevieveaiza.delacruz@gmail.com. I am a member of the Autism Society Philippines (ASP), a national non-profit organization dedicated to the well-being of persons on the autism spectrum disorder./PN
